Thursday, March 30, 2017

Wellness Check Week 21

What did I do this week for my own personal wellness?
I've been working hard this week to find inner peace. To just accept that things happen for a reason. I've spent some time praying, and I am trying really hard to just trust.

On a less serious note, I also am continuing the process of getting Invisalign, and I went and got my annual physical done (finally). Also, I am working really hard on not snacking - just eating a meal and being done.

Non-scale victories?Nothing really this week. 

Scale victory or nah?
The scale treated me well this week.

Progress toward October 19th goal of 30 pounds - 13 pounds to go

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

5 things I will never do

1. Run a marathon.
2. Learn to swim.
3. Eat onions on purpose.
4. Get a flu shot.
5. Have a baby.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

5 things I thought I would never do...

...but I did!

1. Run a half marathon. Or run three half marathons (but never again...)

2. Complete a "bootcamp" type work out program.

3. Run a Disney-themed race.

4. Get lasik surgery.
5. Use a passport.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Book review - May Cause Love; An Unexpected Journey of Enlightenment After Abortion by Kassi Underwood

Kassi Underwood was 19 and in a long distance relationship with who she thought was her soul mate, Will-B, when she found herself pregnant by another man. Well, "man" may not be the right word for the druggie, lost guy she had started sleeping with. Although being a mother was always her main game plan in life, she decided to abort the baby, as the time and situation were not ideal for raising a baby.

What happened next can only be described as a downward spiral; an intense plummet to rock bottom. Finally, during an overseas trip, Kassi decided to get sober and start dealing with everything she had been through. Then, on the three year anniversary of her abortion, the father emailed her to tell her he was having a baby with another woman - and the name they chose for their daughter was Jade, which is the name Kassi has always dreamed of her first daughter having. Kassi became slightly obsessed with the new Jade, and finally, six years after her abortion, she began a journey of healing that took her to different places - a Catholic retreat, a Buddhist, a weekend of silence, conversations with several woman across the country - and while the pain will never go away, Kassi at least ended the book with a feeling of hope. 

Do you ever feel like you were meant to see something, read something, hear something? I feel like this book came into my life for a reason. While I did not abort a baby, I misacarried eight years ago. I've struggled with this for eight years now - constantly asking myself why it still affects me, after this long, when I was only pregnant for eight weeks. But so much of what Kassi said rang true to me - and even though our stories are very different, so much of the pain, mourning and regrets are the same for anyone who gets pregnant, but doesn't get to raise a child. 

At one point in the book, while Kassi is going on her healing journey, she is told that she will always be a mother because at one point there was a life inside of her. I like the thought of that. I have been a different person since that lunch break when I ran home to take a pregnancy test - and it's because that day I became a mother. Even though I am not having kids and I will not become pregnant again, no one can take that title away from me.

I highly recommend anyone who chose abortion to read this book, but also anyone who has suffered from a miscarriage. Also, anyone who has strong opinions on abortion, in either regard. You may be surprised by what you read.

To buy this book:
HarperCollins     Amazon     Barnes and Noble

Author sites:
Website     Facebook     Twitter     Instagram

Kassi Underwood

Friday, March 17, 2017

5 Things I am grateful for this week

1. Density sets at the gym. I LOVE THEM. I can't move.
2. My mom and my sister, who both celebrated birthdays this week.
3. Hearing one word and having everything click.
4. Reading in bed before I go to sleep.
5. Scandal is everything.

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Wellness Check - Week 19

What did I do this week for my own wellness?
I've been in bed by 10p all week - not asleep, but reading or watching a show. I'm reading a really great book - May Cause Love by Kassi Underwood. I'll be reviewing it on this blog next week!

I also had another appointment with my therapist yesterday. I feel like I have said everything I need to for right now, so I am going to put those on hold. I can't just keep repeating the same things, that makes no sense and it wastes both of our time.

Also, I went to the dentist to see about getting Invisalign. I go back in on Monday, and I'm hoping I can get it to work out financially (This is where having a husband and a dual income home would come in really handy. Damn my single lifestyle choice!).

Non-scale victories?
My pants are SO loose. I'm starting to look homeless again. Luckily it's getting to be skirt season so I can pull out all my awesome warmer weather clothes.

It's Week 10 at Farrells (our sessions run for ten weeks, usually with a two week break in between - there are still classes, but they are "Fit Students" only, no 10-week bootcampers) so the workouts are so tough. On Tuesday we did 45 minutes of density sets for lower body (Basically density sets are where you go 10 reps of 4-5 exercises at extremely high weights - then you repeat that round 5-6 times. So we did three density sets, taking up the entire 45 minute class). Tonight we will do 45 minutes of density sets for upper body. I LOVE density sets; it's fun to see how high I can get. However, I haven't been able to walk for two days.

Scale victory, or nah?
I had a very small scale victory this week.

Progress toward October 19th goal of 30 pounds: 14.6 pounds to go

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

What's not working in my life?

  • Certain family relationships.
  • My lack of activity during the day. Currently, my ass hurts from the amount of time I have been on it.
  • My weight - I am way up from where I would like to be. But that is because...
  • My eating habits suck. 
  • Nick lives four hours away from me and I hate it. 

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

What's working in my life?

  • My job. I love my job. The only thing I wish was different is that I would like to be on my feet more. I truly have a desk job. I am hoping when the weather gets nicer, I will be able to walk outside during my breaks - especially since the Blackstone area of Omaha is developing so much. 
  • My home. I truly love my tiny little apartment, and I feel so at home when I am there. I feel completely safe, comfortable and myself. 
  • My relationships. 
  • My friends. I know I am not the easiest person to get along with, or put up with. But my friends do a stellar job. 
  • My Sundays. Typically, my Sundays consist of food prepping, catching up on television, and then going to bingo with my grandma and company. Seeing my grandma every Sunday has become a habit I don't want to change.
  • My workouts. I love kickboxing and my strength training days at Farrell's.

Friday, March 10, 2017

5 Things I am Grateful for this Week

1. My heart. Some people may see me as a sucker, but that's fine. I have a good heart, and I care about people. Now I just need to work on protecting my heart and giving myself boundaries.

2. My treadmill. It's old and rickety and I feel like I have to work harder on it than the fancy treadmills at the gym, but that's probably a good thing, right?

3. Riverdale on the CW. You guys. Watch it. It's already been renewed for Season 2, and it is SO GOOD.

4. Jay Cutler being released from the Bears.

5. My daily "love you" texts from my dad, even when I know he's annoyed with me.

I didn't do a wellness check in yesterday, because, frankly, I'm becoming one of those scale-obsessed people again and I need to stop. My wellness check ins are fucking with my wellness. I will figure out something by next Thursday.

Monday, March 6, 2017

Nashville, Logan and Bingo (again)

I feel like I packed a lot into this weekend. 

Friday night I kickboxed, then did some cleaning and watched some Nashville. I am so obsessed with it, but I rejected it from the beginning so I'm starting from season 1 on Hulu. No matter how much I like the show, I still just cannot stand Hayden Panettiere for some reason - she is the only reason I rejected the show from the beginning. 

Saturday I had a work event - it was a trivia contest for an alumni fundraiser. We did not win the actual trivia contest, but we won best themed table! Let's Get Quizzical. It was a lot of fun, and I might start wearing leg warmers all the time. 

After that, I met Kate for lunch and some errands, and then I met Missy, Ryan and Natalie for some basketball at Big Red Keno. 

Sunday I woke up at the asscrack of dawn to meet Dad in Glenwood - he was hauling a treadmill for me that Mom was giving me for free (I like that price). After that I managed to get all my food prep, laundry and Sunday chores done before I went and met Zach to see Logan. I won't spoil it, but I bawled like a baby at least three times during the movie, and when I wasn't crying I was hiding my eyes. It was quite bloody. 

After the movie, I went to WalMart to buy Ryan his treats, and then went to bingo. This week it was Tammy, Grandma, Ryan and I. It was a weird night. Like one lady started banging her dobbers on the table because the game wasn't moving as quickly as she thought it should. Bingo bitches be cray. 

Friday, March 3, 2017

5 Things I am Grateful for This Week

1. Farrell's, which kicks my ass every single day. I am back into a really good groove with my working out and I try very hard to go to Farrell's every weekday, even if it means I have to go to the 6:30p class.

2. The Glenwood Alumni Association. I am a relatively new member, but in the short time I have been there I have gotten so pumped about helping out my hometown and my high school. The people on the committee are all really great to work with, and I've gotten to know and communicate with so many people.

3. Mom's hip replacement surgery on Tuesday went really well, although she is in a lot of pain now. But I assume when you get your natural hip taken out and a metal one put in, I imagine it doesn't tickle.

4. Me, Nicole and Kate have talked every day this week. I am sure they don't know how much that warms my heart.

5. Finally, I tried therapy this week. I get some free appointments through my insurance at work, and I was feeling very anxious and overwhelmed, so I took advantage of one. I absolutely loved my therapist. The last time I tried therapy was back in 2007-ish, when I was working to get over someone. The lady did not help me at all, but I rescheduled with her anyway. She told me she would call me at a certain time - like Saturday at 4pm - to check in on me between appointments. She did not call, and I got really mad and called and cancelled my second appointment. Then I got a bill for it anyway! I have had a really bad taste in my mouth since then, but I'm glad I tried again because I already feel better.

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Wellness Check - week 17

I missed my March 1st goal.

Let's just get that out there first.

I'm disappointed, yes, but I will say that I am happy to be as close as I am, considering I really lost nothing for two weeks. I'm keeping track of this leg of my weight loss journey in my bullet journal, and I've got to put "down arrows" 8 weeks in a row. It hasn't always been a lot (hello .2 of a pound week), but it's always been down. And I refuse to feel bad about that!

This week - down 1.4 pounds
March 1st goal - missed by .8
October 19th goal - 14.8 pounds to go

April first goal - lose 4.8 pounds (I'm just adding what I missed this past month, as I am hoping to be 20 total pounds down by April 1st.)

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

10 Things

10 things that make me really happy

1. Bates Motel. I just love that show, even though it freaks me the fuck out.
2. Taylor Swift songs.
3. Crushed ice and fountain soda.
4. Feeling totally exhausted and spent after a kickboxing class.
4. Flip flops.
5. Cookie Jam.
6. Old school Mario Brothers and friends who will play it with me.
7. When my grandparents call me.
8. Texts or snapchats that aren't responses.
9. Movie theater popcorn.
10. Listening to podcasts while on a long walk.