Friday, May 13, 2016

Childless = happy, not desperate to steal your kid

This morning on my drive in to work I was listening to some radio morning show on some station. I typically don't mind morning radio shows, mostly because my options are pretty limited unless I want to plug my iPhone in and listen to my own music. But one thing that annoys me every single day is when people call in. These callers annoy me for several reasons:
1. No one cares about your opinion; why did you feel the need to call in and share it?
2. I am sure they are mostly calling in because they think they will get something free out of it.
3. The sound is usually terrible, or they are calling while having their radio on in the background, which is hugely annoying.
4. Usually their opinion is stupid.

Today was no exception to the above examples, only the caller's absolutely ridiculous opinion really struck a nerve with me.

The topic being discussed was the bathroom war (some companies are opening their bathrooms as just bathrooms, and anyone can go in to either one, regardless of gender, or assumed gender, or sexual orientation). Let me tell you one thing about this topic before I move on: I don't give a flying fuck. When I am in public, I am absolutely bursting by the time I would use a public bathroom. So when I sit down, I literally take like three seconds to go. Then I wash up, usually get annoyed because there are only air dryers and no paper towels, and leave. I have never noticed a single person around me. I don't care if it's a man, woman or horse. I just go pee and leave the room.

Anyway. So today this woman calls in and basically she is all for bathrooms being open for everyone. Great, thanks for sharing, Judith. But then she goes on to say "When I send my daughter into a bathroom alone, I wouldn't be worried about a man being in there. My real worry is those older childless woman in there with her. They can't have kids of their own, so they are probably going to steal mine."

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

As a 35 year old childless woman, I fall into your description. And let me fill you in on a little secret, Judith: I don't want your fucking kid.

Not all older childless women are just dying for the chance to steal your kid. Especially from a public restroom. From what I can tell, that's where children are their most disgusting. The other night I went into a stall after a child and there was poop smeared all over the toilet. Was my first thought "oh, I should snag this child up, she's a keeper."? No. My first thought was "Where the fuck is this kid's mom? Why is she allowed to use a bathroom by herself, when clearly she has not earned that right? She's disgusting."

And let's get to the real topic at hand - how is this a legitimate concern? I know that there are sick people out there with extreme mental problems who would think it's brilliant to steal a kid from a restroom. But how is that even possible? When I am out in public with my nieces or nephews, and they insist on going into a bathroom by themselves, guess where I am? Right outside the goddamn door, not even blinking until the kid(s) are back in my loving aunt arms. I imagine I would be even more crazy about it if they were actually birthed from my vagina. So where exactly are you, Judith, that your kid being snatched up from an old, childless woman is a legitimate concern?

Also, sidenote: the entire time I was typing this, I kept typing "childish" instead of "childless". I fall into both descriptions, FYI. 

1 comment:

  1. Listen here, Judith. I don't want your fucking kid.

    I love you.