Thursday, August 28, 2014

Mind games for runners who don't think they are really runners

I've wrote a couple times on how I struggle with calling myself a "runner". Maybe it's because I'm slow. Maybe it's because I still have a belly and fat and loose skin. Or maybe it's because I'm constantly comparing myself to those who can run a half marathon in under two hours and have a pace of eight minutes a mile. 
At any rate, I have a 13.1 sticker on my car and a wall full of race bibs...so I am a runner. Get over yourself, Jen. 

I know if I struggle with this, others do too. So today during my eight mile run, I started to think of all the mind games I play with myself to stay motivated to hit the pavement. 

1. I always tell myself I can quit early. If I have a four mile run on the schedule, I tell myself I can quit at three if I really want to. Of course, when I get to the three mile mark, I always think "what's one more little mile?" and I keep going. 
2. I always tell myself I can walk the last half. Today, before I started my eight mile run, I told myself I could walk the last four miles if I really wanted to. Of course, when I hit four miles I got excited because I was halfway done, and I wanted to get done sooner so I kept running. 
3. I promise myself a treat afterwards if my run is over six miles. Usually it's not even food related. It's "if you go out and run this sucky run right now, the rest of the night you can lay on the couch and not feel guilty." But I'm not going to lie...sometimes my treat is an iced coffee or a full throttle soda. 
4. I switch up what I'm listening to a lot. If it's a really long run (for me, that is anything over seven miles) I listen to country a lot...not necessarily the best music to get you moving fast, but I'm not trying to break any speed records at that point, anyway. If it's a short run (3 miles or less) I listen to podcasts (I like Jillian Michaels a lot, or Half Size Me). And I always always listen to Miley Cyrus's 4X4 song to bring me home during the last .2 of my last mile. 
5. I always pretend someone I know is driving by and will see me. That motivates me to keep running, cause how sucky would it be to be bragging about a long run, and have someone say "oh, I saw you walking down Q Street looking like a pregnant turtle."

If you have mind games you play on a run, please share...I have lots more miles to cover before October 19th!

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Tuesday goals

I realize it's Wednesday.

I wish I could fully express on this blog how my life has been lately.

But it would bore the shit out of you, so I won't. Instead, I will just tell you that back to school time is to an academic advisor like the holiday season is to those in retail. It has been nonstop, and by the time I leave campus I am mentally exhausted. Don't get me wrong, I love it...but wow.

Anyway..last week's goals...

Food - I am going to work really hard at getting two liters of water drank every day. 
I did so well at this. I think I missed one day, but I still got a lot in that day. 
Workout - this week's runs are three three-milers, a 3.75 miler and an 8 miler. Yuck. 
Done!
Other - I have got to figure out a way to not get frustrated at work. My goal this week is to figure it out.
This problem fixed itself, but the solution came with about one million new problems. But I will take those new problems to have the original problem solved. How many more times can I say problem? Problem.
 
And moving on to our new week, which is already one day old. 
Food - I'm going back to the no potato chips thing. I was a the grocery store two nights ago and it took every ounce of willpower not to put my head in a bag of sour cream and onion. So clearly I have not developed a habit yet.
Workout - this week calls for two three-milers, a four-miler, a six-miler and an eight-miler. I did the four last night and it felt awesome. 
Other - I realize making this goal about work every week is beyond boring, but I have got to get to a place where I feel organized and on top of things. 
 
Have a good week, y'all!

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Tuesday goals

Better late than never, right? 

Last week's goals....

Food - no potato chips. I did this until yesterday, when my office ordered Jimmy Johns and the sandwiches came loaded with crap (vegetables). So I grabbed a bag of chips to quietly growling stomach until I could get off campus to grab something else. So I was so close to accomplishing this, but this goal was SO HARD. I did not realize now addicted I had gotten to Doritos and sour cream and onion chips. 

Workout - I managed to compete all my miles AND get two rest days where I took slow walks and iced my legs. And I felt awesome! 

Other - library book is returned. 

This week's goals...

Food - I am going to work really hard at getting two liters of water drank every day. 
Workout - this week's runs are three three-milers, a 3.75 miler and an 8 miler. Yuck. 
Other - I have got to figure out a way to not get frustrated at work. My goal this week is to figure it out. 

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Decisions and choices

***Warning....this blog entry is basically a long therapy session with myself. Stop reading if that doesn't interest you. I will get back to cussing and ridiculous lists tomorrow. ***

I mentioned that my legs have been killing me as of late, so yesterday I took a day off from running. But the weather was beautiful and I still wanted to do something, so I went on a nice long walk after work. When I go on walks, I prefer to listen to podcasts instead of music, so I cued up Jillian Michaels and took off.

This week Jillian opened up her show with a discussion about decisions and choices. She talked about how, for the most part, when you find yourself in a crappy situation or when things just seem to continually go wrong, it's because of a decision YOU make. Now, of course, this doesn't include situations like the death of a loved one, or a natural disaster that wipes away your house, or a life sucking cancer diagnosis. But just general, run of the mill shitty situations are usually brought on by a decision you make.

This really got me thinking. I am in some crappy situations right now. My mom launched an attack on me last week and I'm still dealing with that. I have a co-worker that I don't particularly enjoy spending time with. And I'm trying to train for a half marathon but my body is just rebelling against me.

So what is my role in each situation?

My mother - for years, I have let her guilt trip me into things. She gets so mad and says horrible things (time out...she doesn't say them, she texts them to me at warp speed) and then I say mean things back. That is one of my (many) downfalls - when provoked, I just try to think of the absolute meanest things to come back with. I do have a way with words, and sometimes I like to battle with them. However, this time around I didn't stoop to her level. I didn't respond to the horrible texts she sent me. I let four days go by with nothing, and then she texted me again - this time, her text was only 75% mean rather than the full 100%. I responded this time, but told her I needed to be left alone for awhile longer. That was two days ago, and she has respected that. I don't know how long this cold war will last, but I need to be left alone. I'm making the decision not to act like I normally do. Granted, I am already in this terrible situation because of past decisions - fighting back with horrible words, allowing her to manipulate and guilt me into things - but moving forward I can hopefully change the way it affects me.

Co-worker situation - ugh. This one sucks. But I am the one who let him get to me; I am the one who let him have so much power over my days and my situation. Over the past few weeks, I have tried to flip my attitude - I'm just minding my own. Doing my job, helping my students, and then going home. I plan to continue with that. I have learned in the past you just have to outlast shitty employees because these problems usually end up solving themselves in one way or another.

Running situation - This one is all on me. I am the one who decided to stop running (pretty much) after my first half. I am the one who packed on extra weight since then and now I am the one who has to run with that extra weight on legs that aren't used to it. So now I will make the decision to drop the weight and get back on this. However...I will run this half in October with my brother and sister and then I will retire from halfs. Not from running...but from 13 milers.

However, the flip side of this is that other people's decisions have put them in terrible situations, and they haven't listened to Jillian so they don't know they need to take ownership over it, stop acting like fucking victims, and get their shit together.

My mom STILL thinks she is the victim in her life. She thinks her kids are terrible because we don't act exactly how she wants us to. I could go on a mile long blog entry about all the decisions she has made that have put her in this place, but over the past two years she has lied, lied about lying, made up stories, fibbed....her pants are just permanently on fire.  She needs to take some ownership, grow the eff up, and realize that her decisions are why she is in the situations she is in.

Also, I don't talk about my dad's side of the family on this blog much, but due to decisions my grandma made in the last 25 years, (and decisions we made) we don't have a relationship with her. Numerous attempts have been made, but lies continue to hinder the relationship. I have two aunts on that side - one has stayed neutral, while the other has pled an undying alligience to her mother. Again, a decision she made. And again, odd, awkward interactions have happened over the years, but it always seems to end the same - some sort of blow out, usually filled with half truths, and then silence for awhile until the next blow up.

We are in the midst of the next blow up.

And I am making the decision not to react in any way. Because the truth of the matter is, I don't care. I'm numb to it. I have great people in my life, so I am making the decision not to let crap people dull my sparkle.

And cue the end of this ridiculous, therapy sounding like blog.


Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Tuesday goals - a cosmic failure

Oh hey guys.

Yeah, about those goals...

Food goal: I am going to try to not eat after 8pm. Since I work until 8pm two nights a week, this will be challenging.
This did not work at all. Moving on...
Workout goal: For now, I am just going to keep my workout goal as my runs for the week. So this week I have two three-milers and two five-milers.
Success! I had three good runs and one crap run. But the crap run was the hardest run I've done in a long time (hills, hills, hills...damn Glenwood) so I count that as a success too.
General goal: My check engine light is on again. I don't know why. I will figure that out this week.
The check engine light magically went off on it's own...so I am not going to worry about it. Silly jeep.

Moving on to this week....

Food goal - I have developed a serious addiction to potato chips. Gonna try to kick that this week.

Workout goal - This is a tough one to come up with. I have four runs scheduled this week again - two three-milers, a five miler and a six miler. I did one of the three mile runs last night and it was okay, but last night I was in some serious pain. My shin splints are getting worse and my right knee was killing me. I am going to try my hardest to get these runs done, but I think my goal for this week is to seriously listen to my body and be okay with taking a rest day if that's what I need to do. I might have to do that tonight - I am thinking of doing like a half hour on the elliptical and then icing my legs while watching some classic Robin Williams.  

General goal - I hope Nick doesn't read this...but I have a library item in my car still that was due back last week. My goal is to get it returned this week.

Monday, August 11, 2014

L.A.M.E.

Man, this blog has become LAME. I am just too lazy to be a good blogger.

Here are some highlights of what you have missed:

  • I am three weeks into half marathon training and it's not good. It's so much harder this time around. I have been getting HORRIBLE shin splints, to the point where it takes me three solid miles before I loosen up. Help? Anyone, help?
  • True Blood only has two episodes left and I'm losing my shit. I won't go into all the details here because if you don't watch it I sound looney tunes. But just know that I am losing my shit. 
  • Students started moving back on campus today THANK GOD. You know where the loneliest place in the world is? A college campus during the summer months.
  • This quote has knocked my socks off."When I'm with you, it's like we're in a bubble above everyone else. And we know we can't stay there, but I after I'm with you it sure makes being back on earth better."
  • People can be really mean and selfish. 
  • People can deny deny deny and lie lie lie. 
I will come up with some awesome things to write about and get better about blogging. Swear on thugs. 

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

It's Tuesday morning baby, and I'm alive

Checking in with my weekly goals!

Food goal: no baked goods...cookies, cakes, cupcakes, donuts...
I had a donut. It was a cake donut with white frosting and sprinkles. I have no regrets.
Workout goal: two three mile runs and two four mile runs in this week.
Done, done, done and DONE!
General goal: I have this horrible sap spots on my jeep from parking under a pine tree. Get them off.
Eh. I made this worse. The sap spots are off, but now it looks terrible.

Moving forward!
Food goal: I am going to try to not eat after 8pm. Since I work until 8pm two nights a week, this will be challenging.
Workout goal: For now, I am just going to keep my workout goal as my runs for the week. So this week I have two three-milers and two five-milers.
General goal: My check engine light is on again. I don't know why. I will figure that out this week.