Friday, March 28, 2014

Selfish

Today I had an eleven mile run. If you follow me on instagram, you know how that went.

In the grand scheme of things, it was okay. The first eight miles went surprisingly well. After that my legs just hurt really bad and I wanted water. Usually the bottom of my feet hurt bad on longer runs, so I'm glad that wasn't an issue today.

Anyway, eleven miles means a lot of time to be thinking. After I thought about work, the boy, work again, my friends, my parents anniversary party, and then the boy again, I started thinking a lot lot lot about this girl:


I keep this photo on my phone. When I'm feeling fat, or when I want to throw in the towel and go back to my old lifestyle, I look at it and remember how uncomfortable I was all the time. How I was never confident about my body, or how I looked. How I didn't like photos of myself, and I tried to get in the back of group photos and would cringe when someone would tag me on Facebook in an unflattering picture. 

The decision to start losing weight was the most selfish decision of my life. I know I have told this story before, so I won't repeat it (you can read about it here.) but when I decided to change my life, I didn't take a single other person's thoughts into consideration. I was doing exactly what I wanted, because I wanted to feel better. I didn't care what anyone else thought. 

I am sure you are thinking "who cares? no one should care that much that you are doing something for yourself" and maybe you are right, you smart reader. But changing my life does affect those around me. When I was trying to lose weight, it affected my friends and family. I wouldn't eat certain things, I didn't like going out because it meant beers and bar food, I tried to avoid events that centered around food. I've been basically trying to maintain my weight (although it seems like I'm always trying to lose ten pounds) for a long time now, so that has changed. But all I talked about was calories, or eating, or WW points, or ways to sneak veggies into my diet. I couldn't have been fun to talk to or hang out with. Luckily I had a huge support system who also decided to lose weight, so I had company in my boring talks about nutrition.

However, when a person decides to set a fitness goal, that tends to take over their life. This half marathon training is a freaking time suck. I have to plan my days around my running schedule. For example - when Creighton basketball was doing well, I wanted to go down to the wood to watch a game with Zach so bad - but it didn't fit into my running schedule. My friend is having a freaking baby next week, and my first thought was "what do I run that day?" Then I realized that is ridic, and I will be where I am supposed to be that day...on the running trail.. JFK... I will be at the hospital silly! 

After this half, I will be returning to a normal life of running a few days a week and doing some sort of cross training a few other days. I don't want running and fitness to be my life, I want it to be a part of it that I enjoy. 

1 comment:

  1. Amen to so much of this. I know exactly how you feel and what this process is like! Way to go, Jen. Good for you ... taking care of yourself.

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