Thursday, February 27, 2014

Hi.

Well hello there.

I needed a break. But I'm back.

Here's what you missed:

  • Half marathon training is killing me. I am exhausted all the time. My legs hurt all the time. I live for rest days. I have an eight mile run on the schedule for tomorrow and I want to cry. I also am now concerned with every bite of everything I put into my body, because I feel like I need fuel for theese ridiculous miles I am running. But I did eat a grilled cheese yesterday, so you know. Moderation and stuff. 
  • My cousin Jamie was in the hospital for a week because of congestive heart failure. Or something like that. I ain't up on medical terminology, but I know it's bad. She is out of the hospital now and on some pretty serious medication, and has been given strict orders on how to live the rest of her life. Here's a clue, people...drugs are bad. Just say no.
  • I have a four day weekend coming up and I'm STOKED. I am going to sleep A LOT.
  • The Oscars are Sunday. BOOM.
  • Miley Cyrus is one week from today. BOOM.
  • My mother is not speaking to me. I tell you what, it puts you in a hell of a place in life when your own mother doesn't even want to talk to you. #mommyissues
  • I am on Season 4 of binge watching Dawson's Creek. Dawson really turns into quite a bitch, doesn't he? I have forgotten so much about this show. But I am also anxious to be done so I can get my life back. 
  • I bought a Jawbone Up wristband activity tracker thingy. It does a lot of things, but one of them is counting how many steps I take in a day. Do you know how hard it is to hit 10,000 steps on a rest day? I am determined to hit that every day, but sometimes it means I am walking laps in my (very small) apartment.
That's all. Let's see how consistent I can be with this whole blogging thing again. 

Thursday, February 13, 2014

You are beautiful.

This morning on my way to work I was listening to U2's With or Without You. I started thinking about things way too much, and before I knew it I had myself in a pretty serious little funk. I started feeling like people could just easily forget about me, or throw me in the past pile without a second thought. What is wrong with me anyway? I don't get it.

Not a good feeling.

Especially for 730 in the morning.

Honestly, I don't feel this way very often. It just must have been where I'm at in life right now, along with that song, that tipped me over into a deep abyss of self pity and loathing.

I was at about 206th and Q at this point, and a sign off the the right of the road caught my eye. A rectangular white sign with big black words. "You are beautiful."

I wondered if that was there yesterday. I don't remember seeing it. Why would someone go to this random site and put up this random sign? Someone had to have parked on the side of that isolated road and carefully hammer their words into the ground.

That sign was exactly what I needed to see. I AM beautiful. I am fun, and exciting, and creative and loyal. I know that I am a good person and a good friend. I love a lot of people and I try to show them that every day. I care and I listen. I love deeply and with my whole heart.

And if you don't agree, you can suck it.

Impossible things

"Why, sometimes I've believed in as many as six impossible things before breakfast." - Alice, who spent some time in Wonderland.

Sometimes I don't make a lot of sense. I say things that people can't seem to wrap their heads around, and a lot of times my out loud thoughts are greeted with blank stares and shaking heads. Sometimes I just plain old make up things, like I told Nick the elephant joint ball went out in my jeep (I meant the ball joint. I don't know how an elephant came into play). In other words, sometimes I feel like Alice in Wonderland, and sometimes I believe in impossible things too. Here are the six impossible things I have believed today...not before breakfast, but before dinner. 

1. I believe that when you wish on your eyelashes, or on 11:11, or on a shooting star, your wish will come true in one form or another. I truly think this is true.
2. I believe that someone out there actually wants to be with me and live with me someday.
3. I believe that praying while you're in the shower is the best use of your time - or when you're driving. More than likely you're hitting God at a lull time, so your prayers will be heard better and faster.
4. I believe that sooner or later, people get what they deserve.
5. I believe that I have spirit guides and/or guardian angels watching out for me...there is no other way to explain my close calls.
6. I believe that some people are just crazy mother fuckers.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

"T'was not my lips you kissed, but my soul" - Judy Garland

I have been kissed a lot. I'm a bit of a mouth whore.

Okay, not really. But I still know a good kiss when I see one.

I have experienced some good kisses in my day. Like good, knock me off my feet, send me to the moon kisses. Kisses that literally take my breath away.

Kisses like this...

Jim and Pam...sigh...like we weren't all dying for this moment to happen.

He's her lobster!









But the other night, while watching TV, somehow I watched a couple kiss and I felt it in my soul. I'm talking, of course, about these two.

Best Big Bang moment EVER.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

T.M.mothereffing.I.

I have been getting my period for 20 years, I just realized. 20 mother loving years. And guess what? With the exception of a handful of times, I FUCKING hate it when my monthly visitor comes a knocking on my vagina.

When I was in my teens, my period came whenever it wanted and that's why all my underwear looked like a battle field. In my early 20's, it was still a disaster, especially when I kept starting and stopping my birth control. Towards the end of my 20's, however, I finally got my shit together...I wasn't on birth control at all, and everything seemed to calm down. My periods lasted a day, maybe two, and they were awesome little gifts from God to remind me that I am woman.

Then my motherfucking 30's came.

Everything has been a clusterfuck since I hit the big 3-0.

I am emotional. I am bleeding like a wounded animal. I am bi-polar. One minute I love something, the next minute I want to stab it in the neck with a screwdriver. One minute I want to hug a homeless man, the next I want to punch a kitten in the throat and feed it to a tiger.

And the pain. Oh, that pain. The first two days of this monthly "gift" I am in the fetal position with  heating pad tucked into my pants and tucked under my boobs. Because wearing a bra at that time? Fuck no. My boobs are so sensitive that if someone touches them I will gut them like a fish. And then stroke their face and kiss their lips and tell them they are pretty.

The worst part of being on my period is having to live on the same planet with men. Fucking men.

"Please, like cramps are that bad. Grow a pair."

Um, I will kill you, Mr. Man. How about I stab you in the stomach 10 times with a butcher knife and then reach in and squeeze your organs a few times, and then ask you to walk around like everything is fine? Fuck you.

When I am on my period, my thoughts are a bit scattered:

"I fucking hate being a woman. I wish I was a man."
"I want to have sex. Now. With anyone."
"I want to eat everything. All of the foods, get in my belly."
"I am seriously losing all my blood. I have no blood left in my body."
"How much does it cost to change into a man?"
"Why am I alive and why is God punishing me?"
"How many more years until menopause?"
"At this point I would seriously consider getting pregnant just to get a break from this hell."

So...to quote Vada from the cinematic masterpiece My Girl...

"Go away! And don't come back for five to seven days!"


Monday, February 10, 2014

What does "happily ever after" mean anyway?

I've done a lot of thinking this weekend, which is never a good thing. While a lot of things about me aren't qualities of your typical girl, one that holds true is my ability to overthink and overanalyze a situation until I have unraveled it and twisted it in so many ways the original thought cannot even be recognized.

That being said, even after a totally amazing event with a totally amazing guy, within hours of leaving him I often have myself convinced he is over me. That means I am constantly looking for reassurance, often making myself look quite pathetic in the process. After that I tend to shut down, feeling defeated.

Where does this come from? I have no idea. Clearly I have issues with relationships, guys, sex, commitment, monogamy, etc, etc etc. I have some pretty good ideas where a lot of my issues come from, but this is a blog not a therapy session yo.

Anywho...while having my meltdown this weekend, I started to think about what I really want, anyway. I know I love almost everything about my life, and I have been on my own for so many years I don't even know how to fit a serious relationship into it. But when it comes down to it, do I want a guy who wants to hang out with me? Yes. He doesn't have to live with me, he doesn't have to marry me, and he certainly doesn't have to hang out with me every day...but he has to want to spend time with me, just me, where we can talk and do all the ridiculously quirky things that make relationships unique and enjoyable.


Gramps Part II

You guys...my grandpa is fine.

I know, right? We're so lucky. He is on the mend and looking good.

When I left him on Friday he was sucking down water and eating bacon sandwiches. Love it.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Moments that make me purr

Yuck. I'm not a cat, and although I go through periods where I think I want one, let's get real...I don't enjoy animals for the most part.

However, I do love any moment that makes me as content as a kitty laying in the sunshine and taking a comfortable snooze. And those moments are...

  • Waking up all warm and cuddly in your bed, glancing at the clock and seeing it's still in the middle of the night and you have hours to sleep.
  • Hearing his ringtone.
  • Finding the perfect temp in the shower.
  • Not realizing your show is back to showing new episodes until you look at your DVR.
  • New socks.
  • New running shoes.
  • Coming home to a crockpot full of yummies.
  • When the cafeteria has rice kripsie treats.
  • Being the first person in the movie theater.
  • When I walk into Casey's and they have popcorn chicken.
  • The first drink of a fountain soda with crushed ice.
  • When any of my kiddos run up and wrap their arms around my legs in a little bear hug.
  • Leaving work on your last day of the week, knowing you have a full weekend ahead of you.
  • Red carpet coverage.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Gramps.

I've mentioned on this blog a few times that I haven't really dealt with death since my Grandpa Wilson died in 1990. At that point I was ten years old, and I remember feeling like my heart would never heal. I still miss him every day, and I wish I could have grown up more with his guidance and advice. He was such a sucker when it came to his grandchildren, and I know he would have gotten a kick out of Bill and Kate as they got older, and when John and Amanda joined our family, and with all the little nuggets we have running around now.

I am nervous about what will happen when I lose someone again, and this week I got the bejeezus scared out of me. Last week Grandpa Neppl called me to tell me he had made an appointment with my sister's doctor (Nicole is his nurse) because he hasn't been feeling right for awhile. I knew he was serious (and scared) when he actually admitted he needed to go to the doctor. We're not sure exactly what's up with him, but the word cancer has been thrown around. He ended up in the hospital for a few days this week, and had a lot of tests ran. I am anxiously waiting to hear what is wrong.

I am sure you can guess that none of this sat well with me. I don't want to lose my grandpa yet, so I am praying hard that we have more time with him. I went to the hospital yesterday to see him, and he was sitting up by the time I left. He got to go home today, but we had another scare last night when he fell trying to go to the bathroom by himself. He's just so weak, and it's so hard to see him like this.

There are so many things I love about this man. Let me name a few...

  • My grandpa thinks everything is "bullshit." Everything. No matter what you tell him, his answer is "bullshit". 
  • He always wears brown pants and a flannel. I've never seen him in anything else. I finally asked my grandma how many pairs of brown pants he owns. She said about five, and they have ordered them from a tractor supply store for several decades. 
  • He sips whiskey all day long, out of a coffee cup. 
  • This man says the worst things. Racist, insensitive, horrible things. And I giggle every. single. time. 
  • He watches the news all day long, on a loop. By the time the same news story has been repeated about ten times, he will sometimes switch over to Storage Wars, Family Guy or Ridiculousness on MTV.
  • He thinks the Catholic Church is bullshit because he had to go to Catholic School as a kid and the nuns were mean to him. He had to skip school in six grade to help with the harvest, and when he got back to school he got in trouble for missing. So he never went back.
  • He loved his mama more than any person in the world. He calls her a saint.
  • He has nicknames for everyone. Lido Tid. NickleTid. KatieToo. SuperTid. Tooters. Zig. Pusscat. Bun. Dubbs. Slodge. Louie. Bo Jangles. Jiggs. Flake.
  • Everytime I see him he asks why I'm still driving the same car. He did this even when my car was like one month old. 
  • My grandpa can't hear anything. He sits with his TV on at top volume, and then constantly yells "What?!" when someone tries to talk to him
  • He loves to pretend he doesn't really love my grandma.
  • But when she was sick in the hospital he was worried sick, wouldn't leave her side and brought her roses.
  • Also when Gram was in the hospital, he made us all take a shot of whiskey when her tests came back and she was cancer free. 
I don't know how much time we have left with my grandpa. It makes me sad to think about. This whole thing is bullshit.

Monday, February 3, 2014

All of the movies, all of the time

I am obsessed with awards shows. This is no secret. Every year when the Oscar nominations come out, I try to see as many nominated movies as possible so I can feel like I am a part of the awards show. This year I am a little more obsessed than usual, for some reason. I even dreamt about being at the show, in the front row (somehow) sitting next to Channing Tatum. He and I left the ceremony early to go do community service. Hopefully it was me servicing him. Anyway...here are the movies I have seen over the last few weeks to prepare me for March 2nd. I won't give any spoilers.I managed to see all of the movies nominated for Best Picture and all of the acting characters, and threw in one of the animated movie nominees just for good measure.

American Hustle - I know this movie is getting the most award-love this season but...I don't get it. I mean it was fine, but I am not really sure why a movie with three very unlikeable characters and one hilarious train wreck is being named one of the best movies of the year. I seriously think it was just timing with this one - it came out right as the awards talk started happening.

Dallas Buyers Club - I wasn't sure what to expect when I sat down to see this one, and it certainly is not a feel good movie. But the acting is solid. Matt and Jared (yes, I'm on a first name basis with my celebrities) deserve the props they are getting for this movie. Jared is the prettiest man I have ever seen, and I hate him because his hair is more luscious than mine.

The Wolf of Wall Street - this movie was good. Really good. Really raunchy, and it taught me a few things, and I really enjoyed it. Leonardo DiCaprio was amazing. It was three hours long, so usually I would just say no to that, but it sped by and I can't think of anything that should be cut out to make it shorter.

August: Osage County - Meryl Streep and Julia Roberts are great in this movie...maybe great isn't the best word. Their acting is great, but they are pretty unlikeable. This whole movie is weird. Not anything I will ever see again. But I think Meryl deserves the best actress nod for this one.

Frozen - Everyone was telling me I would love this movie, and they were SO RIGHT. However, the best part was going to see my nieces afterwards and they, somehow, already know all the words to the songs so they performed them for me.

12 Years a Slave - Oh my. This one was painful to watch. There were several times I had to turn away from the screen. I would reccommend seeing this movie, but be prepared because it is a true story, and the ending made me cry one of those cries where you sit there and tear up, and then you think about it later and tear up again.

Captain Phillips - This movie was 2 hours long, and the first hour and 45 minutes I was like "oh, so they are fighting over a boat. Those guys are mean." Then for the last 15 minutes I sat in awe of Tom Hanks performance. He is amazing. It is a crying shame he did not earn a best actor nod for this film. And it's another true story, which makes it crrrrraaazy.

Her - As I was sitting watching this movie, I was thinking how confusing it was and how I just could not grasp the concept. This guy falls for his computer? That's weird. I mean, I am tight with my iphone, but I don't want to have sex with it. I think if I tried, Suri would shoot me down anyway. So basically, this movie was weird and odd and awkward and the more I think about it the more I didn't like it even a little bit.

Nebraska - I have been anxious to see this movie, obviously because it was shot in small town Nebraska. I also try to see Alexander Payne movies cause I gots to support the hometown boy yo. I was not let down by this movie - it is a touching story about a old man who mistakenly thinks he has won a million dollar award and needs to go to Lincoln, Nebraska to get it. His son takes him on the trip, so the movie follows their journey. It really made me think about family, relationships and love. It's amazing how sometimes you are the meanest to people that you love the most, I think because you are confident that they will never leave you.

Philomena - Judy Dench was wonderful (oh excuse me, DAME Judy Dench) in her role as a mother who was forced to give her child up for adoption and live in a convent with a bunch of crabby old lying nuns.This was based on a true story - this teenager gets knocked up, and the Catholic Church just gives her kid away. Then, 50 years later, she goes on a search for him and it's sad, sometimes funny, then really sad, then funny again. It's good stuff. But I don't want to give away anything.

Gravity - I was not excited to see this movie at all. The thought of being tossed around the atmosphere with no sense of grounding terrified the evaliving out of me. It was stressful to watch, but better than I was expecting.

Blue Jasmine - I had zero expectations about this movie because I have never seen any of Woody Allen's work and was kinda planning on living my whole life without him. However, I did like this one a lot. Again, I don't want to give away too much, but the main character (Cate Blanchett) loses the love of her life, who ends up being quite the douchebag. Everything she goes through - the sorrow, the sense of loss, the self pity, the selfishness - I felt it with her. She did an amazing job.