Thursday, November 14, 2013

Breaking up is hard to do...so don't.

This weekend, my mom is leaving her husband. Is it weird to just declare that in such a public forum (who am I kidding, like four people read this blog)? She has decided she's done dealing, and she's out. They have been married just shy of twenty years, and I guess she's felt this way since the beginning. She said she always knew this "wasn't a forever thing".

This is so annoying on so many levels, but if I get started on them I won't stop. I am not close to my stepdad, nor am I his biggest fan, but this is still going to be weird and be a huge adjustment for my family. So am I okay with it? I don't know yet. I guess we'll see just how needy (excuse me, how much needier) my mom gets now that she is a single lady.

This whole thing has really got me thinking about relationships, which is probably why I have been riding the guy hating train for a few weeks now. I don't adjust to change well, so yesterday I was thinking...what other couples would throw me for a loop if they decided to break up? I can only deal with so much heartbreak caused by other people's heartbreak. So, I present to you, a list of couples who are not allowed to break up:

  • Dad and Peg. Duh. Obviously this one would throw my life into the most turmoil, I would even go as far as to try to stop the break up. I would maybe chain myself to the one who decides to move out and simply not allow them to leave. Clearly our lives have been intertwined for a very long time, so breaking up would not be easy or clean. Moving one of them out of the house would also not be easy or clean, and I would protest the whole event so I wouldn't have to be involved with that. Not to mention the fact that our blended family is pretty mixed up, now that there are kids involved. But I could probably just forget John was ever around since he is only a step anyway (I kid, I kid) (Seriously I'm kidding, stop crying bro).
  • Jan and Dick. Nick's parents are not allowed to break up, and I texted Jan yesterday and told her that. She said not to worry.
  • Nancy & Randy Schmailzl  and Connie & Tom Sperling: I grew up in these houses, and I would lose my shit if either of these couples decided to break up. I honostly don't think it will ever happen, but they should probably both be warned I will protest with a fury if I even get a hint of a breakup.
  • Jill and Brad Beasley: I have never known a couple more perfect for each other than my friends Jill and Brad. If they can't make it, I will lose all faith in not only love, but humanity.
  • Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell: I dare to say these two are my favorite Hollywood couple. I LOVE how they have never gotten married and are just together. I wish I could find a guy to do that with me. No marriage, just the common knowledge that they are end game, and that's enough. If they break up, I will go into mourning and watch Overboard on repeat for several days.
  • Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. I know. I'm probably putting myself at risk for getting so emotionally attached to this couple. However, since Brad adopted her oldest kid and they have had a whole slew of kids since then, I feel pretty safe. I have always been a huge Angelina fan, and I want her to be happy. And yes, I love Jennifer Aniston (duh) but I was always Team Jolie. I even had a Team Jolie hoodie that I wore proudly until I tore it on a drunken night at the bar. (It is probably not a huge surprise to anyone that I was Team Jolie).

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