Wednesday, October 30, 2013

The day I gave away two cars

A few months ago, when I was applying for jobs, one of the companies I applied for had me do a video interview. I already knew I was going to get an offer from Midland and was just waiting on the legalities of it, so I wasn't going to even bother. However, I decided I really wanted to try a video interview, and, if I've learned anything from my job history, it's to never assume anything is certain until you've signed on the dotted line. So I went to the website and started my video interview.

It was ridic fun, and the questions were very interview generic (what are your strengths and weaknesses? what do you bring to a team?). It's been a really long time since I've had an interview that basic, and God knows my favorite thing to talk about is myself (hello, I have a blog where all I do is talk about myself). However, one of them made me laugh out loud...tell us about a time you made a huge mistake at work and what you did to correct it.

I could have answered the time I overbooked a room while acting as sales manager, or a time when rules weren't submitted to IRGC in time and I had to go beg for forgiveness. But since I wasn't really banking on this job, I decided to pull out my truth card and told them about the time I gave away two cars.

I still cannot believe this happened.

I was the marketing coordinator for Bluffs Run, and we were doing a car giveaway. The whole concept was a bit ridiculous. We had this ENOURMOUS entry drum - like it would literally hold tens of thousands of entries, and I am sure I could have crawled inside of it if I had tried (and I was really fat back then...still easily could have fit). Anyway, gamblers would earn entries all week long, drop them in this drum and then on drawing day, I would pick five entries. The five winners would each stand behind a box of confetti and crap, and at the sound of go, they would dig through their box. The winner was the person who found a huge car key in their box of crap. Yay. The other people would win some lowball amount of money, like $500.

Anyway, so on the night of the two car giveaway, everything was going fine at first. My boss Jill was gone, so I was handling it on my own with Johnny Ray Gomez (JRG, if you will) who was acting as the emcee. We drew the winners, they all lined up behind their boxes, and JRG told them to go. Confetti started flying. I knew the key was in box #3, so I was watching that person, camera in hand to capture their happy discovery.

All of a sudden, I hear JRG yelling "We have a winner!" and holding up the hand of Box #1. What the frick! I looked closely and that idiot was holding up the TINY entry drum key.

Beep beep back up. Did I mention that huge fucking entry drum was so huge that it would have taken me hours to clean it out every week? So instead, I enlisted the help of the graveyeard housekeeping staff, who, every week, would clean out the drum, store the entries in my office (we had to keep them all...yep, still doesn't make sense). They had their own entry drum key.

However, on that ONE week, they decided to leave the entry drum key with me, and not tell me. They dropped it in one of the promotion boxes and went on their happy way.

Meanwhile, Box #3 had found his gigantic fake car key and looked confused. I ran up to him and said "You are the winner...just hang tight." I walked over to JRG and somehow didn't punch him in the face. "That is the ENTRY DRUM key...he is not the winner." Johnny looked at me like a straight faced emoticon. The VP of Marketing (of course) was there, so she came up and I explained quickly what happened. "You deal with the winner, and I will deal with the loser."

After a few minutes of me pissing my pants and holding back tears later, VP Heidi came back to me. "Everything is fine. He gets it. He'll take his $500."

Somehow that seemed too easy. That night I went straight to my friend Renee's house, who did my job at our other property. "That seems too easy," she said.

And of course it was. The next day, after he had a few hours to realize we owed him a lot more than that, he called the gaming commission and happily came in to collect his $10,000 hush money.

A $10,000 mistake? Awesome. But kind of a funny story. And no, I didn't learn my lesson and I still let housekeeping clean out the entry drum every week. The bitch was HUGE.

And I also did not get an offer from the video interview company. They did, however, call me back to see if that story was really true.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

The day I was declared tumor free

On October 28th, 2013, I was declared tumor free** and was given the all clear from my doctors!

No need for follow up!

Suck on that, tumor!

**Nick, Missy, Nicole, Tiffany, Dad, Peg, Mom, Amanda, Katie and anyone else I have made feel up my neck...I will probably still make you do this. For the rest of my life. Sorry, just deal with it.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Go home, get stoned

Some stuff has been happening lately. It's all pretty awesome.

Nick and I went to Hinder last night (and Missy too, but she runs around a lot during shows). We were up on the side of the stage, pretty much as close to the band as you can get.

I have become ridic-obsessed with Breaking Bad. However, I still watch Netflix via my laptop being attached to my tv by an HDMI cord. So...that means no remote to rewind or fast forward. So...that means I am also getting a workout in, because anytime I get nervous or scared I jump up and run out of the room and watch the scene from behind a closet door.

My niece dressed up as Dorothy for Halloween and

I've officially given up on running outside and I'm treadmill only until spring. Oh, except for those two 5K's I signed up for on Thanksgiving morning and Dec 16th. #whatthehellamithinking
Kate and I popped some tags on Saturday and I wound up buying this adorable striped shirt. Not until this morning when I was pulling it on did I realize it is a maternity shirt. Damn.

Other than all of that, I am just dealing with working, getting jacked for my Minneapolis trip with Missy, getting jacked about planking and trying to deal with the fact that "Toby" is dating a 23 year old. (You remember Toby can read about him here and here.

What a douche.

Monday, October 21, 2013

There aren't enough days in the weekend...

...and that's saying a lot, since my job allows me to have three day weekends every weekend (I'll give you a second to be jealous...).

I crammed a lot of stuff into my weekend.

On Friday, I met with Allison (my teammate) and got all caught up with the gossip at TJ High. Oh, to be young again. (Nope...wouldn't want to be young again, especially with Facebook and Twitter and Snapchat and Instagram and whatever else they do that I don't know about).

After that, I dicked around in the afternoon and then headed to Little Big Town and Keith Urban with Missy. I had this idea in my head that I never ever ever wanted to see Keith Urban or Kenny Chesney in concert. I don't know why. Well I do know why for Kenny...I don't like that he is ugly without his hat on, I don't like how short he is, and I don't like that he married Renee Zellweger for a hot minute. But I don't know why I was so hateful towards Keith Urban. Especially since he is AMAZING and now I am OBSESSED with him and I am listening to him RIGHT NOW.

And here is a really good picture the lady behind us got of me and Miss at the concert.

Saturday I got up at the asscrack of dawn and "ran" a 5K with Leslie. It was a cupcake run, so every mile we got a mini cupcake. They tasted amazing, and I'm glad Leslie was pushing her two year old niece in a stroller so I was actually able to keep up with her (she's a speed demon). 


After that, I did the most marvelous thing...I took a two hour nap. I'm not one for napping in the middle of the day, but it was heavenly and it felt amazing. Why was I so against Keith Urban and naps? Thank God this weekend happened so I could be guided in the right direction.

After I cleaned up the drool from my nap, I headed to the wood for Grandpa's birthday party. I think he turned 78, but he kept telling everyone he was 28. Whatever. As long as he lives forever, I don't care how old he claims to be. I don't have a picture of Gramps because he's kinda a jackhole and refuses to get out of his chair. So instead I got a picture of my mom and my aunt and I toasting to him, and Grandma hugging me but refusing to drink.

Sunday morning I got up and went to a very sophisticated brunch with some ladies, where we talked about sophisticated things and we all said the word fuck a lot. Then I headed to Cooper's fourth birthday party.

I feel like I look exactly like someone from my past in that picture. If you agree, tell me who you think it is in a very private message because it kinda makes me want to die a little.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

I'm just a girl, which I guess means I only like jewerly and babies

Hi everyone. Last weekend my sister and I headed to the Qwest (yes, I know it's really called Century Link, but I can't get on board with that) (I still listen to Sweet 98 too) for an expo that was geared towards the ladies. I believe it was called Just For Her Expo, or something like that.

I am not sure what I was expecting, but I was excited. I love trade shows like that, and pretty much the only part of the sales manager jobs I liked was working these shows. Not only because I liked talking to as many people as I could about my business, but because I loved walking around to the other vendor booths and talking to people who were passionate about their business.

At any rate, the ladies show meh. whatevs.

There was some cute stuff, don't get me wrong. It made me want to have a baby for like two seconds, until I remembered they are a little more work than just dressing up in cute Husker clothes. There was a ton of jewerly booths, and a lot of booths about quick weight loss pills to take to lose a ton of weight at once, or surgeries to instantly fix the problem.

Let me prefix this by saying I am not a feminist in any way shape or form. Or at least I didn't think I was. I don't care about doing the dishes or doing "womenly" duties, but I guess I would like to make as much money as men do. So I guess I am a feminist who secretly likes doing household chores and (not so secretly) likes giving blow jobs.

Okay. So that being said, I was oddly disappointed about the selection of vendors at this show. It was all about jewerly, and baby clothes, and quick weight loss.There was even one guy who made me listen to a ten minute presentation on water that runs through my washer and how dirty it probably is. (Dude. I don't care. See the glazed eye look? I'm not high, you're just boring as fuck.) I guess I was just hoping for other things...which made me think, if there could be an expo for just me, whatever I wanted, what would be there?

1. A few running vendors. I want an expert to talk to me about what kind of shoes I should by, what kind of clothing I should buy, is it normal that my knee randomly hurts or that sometimes I get the worst stomachache ever in the middle of a 5k? I want someone from Peak Performance or the running expert from Scheels (you have a commerical, so I know you have "experts" there) to be there to talk to women about actual real ways to get in shape. I don't just want seven booths telling me about weight loss surgery and a magic pill that will make me lose weight as long as I take it in the morning and then eat 500 calories that day.

2. Cute clothes for girls who like sports. Wait. I guess I should say "cute clothes for girls who like to hang out with boys while they watch sports and I either drink or play on my phone". There were quite a few clothes vendors there, but it was all about bling and more bling. I want cute NFL clothes, or cute NCAA clothes. The selections at stores suck, and I don't want to buy stuff online. I tried that and I ended up with a Bears shirt long enough to be a dress. Not okay.

3. I want Weight Watchers and Body by Vi there. Those are the two things I use, so other women may want Jenny or Nutrisystem or whatever, but this is my expo damn it.

4. After learning about running and weight loss, I want Annie's pretzels there and a full throttle soda.

5. I want an Apple booth! Duh. And maybe a Droid booth, so someone could teach me how to use my new work phone.

That's all. 5 booths. I suppose I could just go to the mall.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

I always end up sucking at this

Hi everyone. I'm sorry that the majority of my blog posts seem to start with "sorry I suck at blogging" or "remember how I never blog?". I should promise that I will get better, but I won't. I will try. How about that?

So what have I been up to; what has made me so busy that I can't find the time to blog? Well, let me tell you.

My new job. I've been at Midland for about a month, and I really like it. Like, I actually like it, not like when I said Metro was amazing and really I was miserable. (I should also promise never to lie again, but that would be a lie.) (Just ask Nick.) (I just lied to him yesterday.)

I work four days a week, two of those bring 12 hour days. Which is awesome, cause I always have a weekday off, but it pounds a lot of hours into four days. So I tend to stay off the computer when I am not in my office.

I have also been reading a lot. Over vacation (remember when I went to the Bahamas?) I read an entire book and when that happens I get the itch to start reading like 8th-grade-nerdy-Jen who never did anything but sit with a book up my nose, reading as quickly as I could through my thick-ass glasses. (What can I say, The Baby-Sitters Club was incredibly engaging reading material.) (Especially the Super Specials and the Mysteries).  I read this book over vacation.

You was SO GOOD. Normally I stick with chick-lit or romantic shit, but this went against my norm and I am so glad I checked it out from the library. (shut up, yes I go to the library.) I loved it so much I immediantly checked this book out when I got home:

Again, my girl Gillian Flynn nailed it. This one is being made into a movie and I can't wait. I am on the waiting list (WTF) for the digital copy of her other book, and then I will officially be a fangirl of Ms. Flynn and anxiously awaiting her every written word.
I also have been continously getting caught up with my DVR. My obsession show for the season is, of course, American Horror Story. That show makes me cry, pee my pants and hide in the corner like a little bitch-baby, and that's all just during the opening credits. Why do I watch it? Basically every Wednesday night for the rest of the fall I won't be sleeping, so feel free to come visit or hit a sista up during those hours. Just don't try to sneak in or tap on my windows or I will MURDER you.


Tuesday, October 8, 2013



I have to admit, when I first saw this link up floating around the blog universe, I thought I was gonna open some blogs and see some not-suitable-for-work images. When I finally got the nerve to open one of them to read them, I saw it wasn't exactly what I was thinking.

Rather than naked women taking selfies of their tatas, it was strong, beautiful women being brave enough to flaunt their stuff and brag about the miracle of their body.

And since I am a huge copy goes nothing.

Um. I cannot believe I am going to post this on my blog. 

That body has problems, yes. But it's also the body that has put up with binge drinking, eating disorders, nights of no sleep, binge excerise followed by near starvation...and it's stuck with me. I used to have a lot more pounds on that frame, and somehow my body still has enough energy to run miles and survive a Jillian Micheals workout. There's more pounds to lose. But I'll get there. 

I have a scar in my belly button, and a large one on my neck. I love them both. Both experiences taught me so much about what I can handle. I have poor eyesight that was fixed by surgery but I think it's going bad again. 

I have my dad's thick hair and Wilson features. I have my mom's ability to overthink and overanalyze every situation. 

So there you have it. I'm exposed. 

Sunday, October 6, 2013

That time I went to the Bahamas

Hi all. I just got back from the beautiful Bahamas, where I was laying between palm trees and enjoying the feeling of my skin burning off my body in the perfect 85 degree heat.

And today I am bundled up and (don't tell anyone) I have my heat turned on because I can't. warm. up. I went for a run this morning and I haven't been able to warm up since! It can't already be time to give up on outdoor runs and climb back on the treadmill, can it? #imawuss

My vacation time was amazing. First of all, it started last Friday when I packed, hung out at home and then went to Glenwood to go to Gavin's soccer game and go out with ladies from the Class of 99. There's just something about hanging out with people who have known you forever that makes you feel comfortable, you know? I mean, Leanna still remembers what I wore on the first day of fifth grade, and Lori admitted she wanted to call me on her wedding night so I could explain how sex works, but her husband said they would figure things out on their own.

The whole group - and yes, I realize I possibly had a nip slip.

I love Lori.

And I love Steph.    

Then we left on Sunday for the Bahamas!! It was my first time using a passport, my first time on a resort, and the first time I ever went on a vacation with the plan of wearing a bathing suit the whole time and actually swimming. And it was awesome. I was in my bathing suit for four days straight, I ate awesome food and I went down water slides. Wait. I, Jennifer Wilson, went down water slides. Never thought that would happen.

And now for the pictures...