Saturday, September 14, 2013

F.A.Q.

I feel like I have been answering a lot of questions lately. So I thought I would type up a list of serious questions I have had to answer in the last 48 hours. 

Jen, aren't you sick of being single?
Nope.

Don't you get lonely?
Nope. Actually, 90% of the people I know who are in relationships aren't that happy. So I prefer to be happy all the time and actually feel at home in my home, so I'm good. And don't worry, I have plenty of sex.

Are you on birth control?
Um yes. And I have a bum reproductive system, so I think I'm good.  

Don't you want kids, though?
Not really. I'm not opposed to kids, but I am pretty opposed to being pregnant (since the one and only time I have ever been pregnant it almost killed me, you'll have to forgive me if I'm not exactly pumped at the thought of letting a spawn invade my uterus again).

Why are you and Nick so close? 
Because he's awesome and I'm awesome, so deal with it. Why wouldn't we be so close?

But doesn't his wife hate you? Does she suspect you are hooking up?
If Hannah does hate me, she covers it up very well. I am pretty much a member of their family. And I think she secretly likes that I will do the things that she doesn't want to do with Nick (like go to dirty rock concerts or scary movies). And if you have ever been around me and Nick, you would without a doubt know we have never and will never hook up.

Are you seriously following him to another job?
Yes I am. I am very excited about my new job, and I wont let anyone get me down about it, so stop trying. And if any of you thought Nick and I wouldn't end up working for the same company again, then you are dumb. Good people flock to good people, and Nick and I are good people. Besides, he followed me to BVU and the casino, and now I've followed him to Kaplan and Midland. We're even.

Well how much money are you making there?
None of your damn business. I will be making enough to pay my bills and keep myself all Coach'ed up, so don't you worry about it.

Why do you buy so much Coach?
Shut up. I buy all my clothes at the Goodwill, so I can spend as much on purses and handbags as I want.

Have you gained any of your weight back? You know that most people gain weight back. 
Seriously, shut up. I have gained back a little, but not enough so that my haters can laugh behind my back. I am in complete control of my diet and workout schedule.

Are you still running?
Yes. I will run more now that the weather is nicer and I will have a gym membership again.

Do you have loose skin?
Yes, and it really sucks and is ugly so thanks for bringing it up.  

Why do you and Missy hang out so much?
Oh my God...quit judging me. Missy and I are best friends, so when I'm not with Nick, I'm usually with her. Unless I'm with your mom. (I'm not good at your mom jokes.)

Are you happy with the castings choices for Fifty Shades?
You bet your ass I am. 
 

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