Body obsessed

I have spent over two years being obsessed with my body. When this journey started, I really didn't know where I was going with it or where I wanted to end up. I still don't, to be honest. I like the sizes I'm in, but I know I still have weight to lose. I absolutely hate the extra skin I have under my arms, and I seriously would consider skin removal surgery if I had more information.

And then there is the exercise thing - I hate running, but it's the best way to burn calories. Will I run a marathon, or even a half someday? I have no idea. Will I ever be able to lift heavy things? I don't know. Will I ever enjoy burpees? I know, without a doubt, the answer to that is NO.

I haven't been the biggest supporter of myself throughout this journey. I have people who are great to me, but when it comes down to it, I haven't been that awesome to myself. It got me thinking - what if I took the things that I say to myself on a daily basis, and said them to my friends instead?

• "Well, you look fat today. You've been dieting for how long? You still look fat."
• "You look ridiculous when you run. Why do you try to run in shorts?"
• "Good job, fatty. By eating that ridiculous fattening lunch, you don't get food for the rest of the day."

If a friend said those things to me, I wouldn't be their friend anymore. So why do I say them to myself? I should be my own biggest fan and supporter, and I am, in every other aspect of my life except my body image.

I'm going to try to be nicer to myself. I need to remember how far I've come, and how much healthier I am now. I can run and do things I never thought I would be able to do. I can wear cute clothes, and feel cute. Last night I had fruit for dessert - umm, Jen Wilson circa 2010 would have never done that. I have come a long way, and I need to just give myself a break.