Saturday, August 31, 2013

Wow...doctors are smart.

So yesterday I was all gung ho to start my new lifestyle of taking care of myself, eating less and upping my workouts.

I did seven miles outside and it was MISERABLE. Like so so so bad.

I watched what I ate all day, so I could eat at Hooters with Missy before the Chicago show at Stir.

Then I got to Stir, thought I was fine, and then BOOM. I got that old familiar feeling, clammy and sweaty and like I was going to go down. I knew what I needed to do, and I backed myself into a corner at Stir, sat down and got Missy's attention to bring me some water. I sat there and Missy fanned me with a menu (have I ever mentioned what an amazing friend Missy is?) until I was okay.

This was SO disappointing. It had been over a year since I felt that way, and I thought the tumor in my neck was the reason I was passing out so often. So does this mean I have another tumor (that I can't ask a doctor about, because I still don't have health insurance?) or that it wasn't really the reason and I'm going to start passing out again?

When the doctor saw me last year about all this, he told me I needed to drink A LOT of water - nearly three liters a day - in order to avoid passing out. I mentally counted the amount of water I drank that day...it maybe totaled 1.5 liters. Duh, Jen. And I probably lost that all during my 7 miles in 100 degree heat.

Okay. So I made it through the show, and I learned a lesson. Listen to my damn doctors. You can bet I will have a water bottle in my hand for the rest of my life.

Me and my personal fan - Missy has seen me turn white several times!



Thursday, August 29, 2013

Confession

I have a confession to make.

I am outta control lately.

I mean, I'm outta control in a lot of ways, but in this case I am talking about my health and wellness.

Two weeks ago I got the news about my lack of full time employment, and I am so nervous/scared about my life that I am not taking care of myself.

I have been trying to take off ten pounds for awhile now, but it's not a huge priority to me so I wasn't really trying that hard. I have been running a lot, and using that as an excuse to eat whatever I want.

However, even with all the running, I was three pounds up this morning.

NOT OKAY!

So...I'm making this public declaration as an attempt to make it public: I am going to get this shit under control again. I want to lose 15-20 pounds. I have done it before, so obviously I can do it again. I am going to start tracking my food again, and pumping up my workouts. If I'm not comfortable with where I'm at by the time I get back from the Bahamas, I will join Weight Watchers again (assuming I am employed by then, of course).

I'm going to be using this blog for awhile as a diary of sorts, to keep myself accountable. So I apologize in advance if that bores any of y'all. No worries, however...I will still blog about pointless crap along with the diet and workout mumbo jumbo.

Wish me luck!

Wish List

I don't watch Teen Mom, but obviously I know who that trainwreck Farrah is. I stalked her a little bit when she was living in the area, and I admit sometimes I drove past her house trying to get a glimpse of her or her cray cray mom. I checked out her sex tape (don't judge) and now I see she has made a wish list on Amazon, just in case any of her fans want to buy her presents.

Well, for any of you who feel the urge to buy me presents, I thought I should provide a wish list for you. So here is what I want:


  • I want to live with this guy. For one, I think it would be convenient to have a roommate who was literally made out of money. Every time he shook his head, I could use the quarters for laundry. And he seems pretty entertaining.
  • I want someone to provide me with a chart explaining every single piece of Pretty Little Liars. That show is hella-confusing.
  • I want skin removal surgery, and then I want someone to change the world and make it so bad carbs don't make you fat.
  • I want a job with health insurance, people who are fun to work with, and good food days.
  • I want everyone who uses sprinklers on my running route to turn them on at the same time (when I'm running) so that I can be cooled off every few steps when I'm out in this dreadful heat.
  • I want my mom to disable her facebook.
  • I want to live in a house in a cul de sac with some fun neighbors.
  • I want the Huskers to have a winning season.
  • I want the Bears to win the Super Bowl.

So...if anyone would like to take care of any of those items for me, just let me know. 

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Dirty pop

I'm ready to rejoin the blogging world. I am sure you all missed me.

This week pop culture has kicked me in the junk. So much stuff has happened.

My reaction to the VMA's:

  • Lady Gaga. I loved her performance after she ditched that weird face hole thing, but I gotta be honest - the first minute scared the shit out of me. 
  • I didn't even know what twerking really was, and then Miley Cyrus twerked all over my soul. And you know what? I fucking loved it. I loved everything about that performance. Haters gonna hate. 
  • Robin Thicke is amaze-balls. I have downloaded his latest album and I am fully obsessed. I'm trying really hard not to buy his five previous albums, but I probably will by the time I publish this post. 
  • JUSTIN MOTHERFUCKING TIMBERLAKE. Are you KIDDING ME?! This is what my brain did during his VMA performance:
    • Oh my God. I love this. I fucking love this. 
    • He's dancing. He's amazing. 
    • I'm so glad he's not trying to pretend he's singing. He's just dancing.
    • I wonder if I can dance like this.
    • Dude. He's like going backwards with his songs. Maybe he will go so far back that NSync will pop up on the stage. 
    • OMG NSYNC just popped up on the stage.
  • I did not even realize I liked NSync that much, and to be honest, now that I have calmed down, I realize I don't. But Jeez Louise Mary and Joseph, I LOVED them in that minute. 
  • Could Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake's friendship be cuter?
  • I need Kanye to stop performing. He's a douche.
  • Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez are the 21 year old versions of me and Missy. Only they have more money and more awards.
  • I wish I could write about Bruno Mars and Katy Perry's performances, but I stopped watching after JT's performance. Because come on. The show was over after that. Come on.
  • So to sum it all up, I had just come off my Justin Timberlake high from Chicago, and now I'm right back up there. 
  • The only thing that could have made the VMAs better would have been seeing JayZ and JT perform Holy Grail. That was the opening song of their Chicago show, but I spent it on my tiptoes trying to see over the assholes in front of me because I'm too short for my own good. So I want to see it again. 
Other pop culture happenings that have me freaking out:
  • Kim and Kanye released a picture of North West and that baby is RIDIC. So cute. I hate Kanye, but his spunk produced a hella cute kid.
  • Speaking of Kardashians, apparently Khloe's husband is missing. Or drunk. Or high. Something. Whatever. I would be okay with that marriage ending, because come on. Thinking about them having sex is gross.
  • Ben Affleck is the new Batman. I'm a little scared. I mean, it'll be fine because I don't really care about the Batman movies. But I have a soft spot in my heart for Benny which stems from my college roommate Courtney being obsessed with him. So I don't like hearing people talk smack about him.
  • Pretty Little Liars had their summer finale tonight and it BLEW MY MINDHOLE. I want to rewatch every single episode because tonight's changed EVERYTHING. 
  • I'm really annoyed with the Wendy's girl who claims to eat at Wendy's every day for lunch. Sister would not be that cute or that skinny if she was really eating that shit every day. And I tried the pretzel bun burger and it tasted like asshole. Quit lying, Wendy's girl. But I do like your hair. 
Oh, and I am still looking for a job and health insurance, for those of you who care about my actual life. But don't you worry..I've got some stuff cooking.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Toxic work life

Hi everyone - do you even remember me? I used to blog, but this week I suck at it. It's been a pretty shitty week for me, and that's saying something since I try really hard not to let days suck, let alone whole weeks.

As many of you know, I have been working 8 months now, in a part time status. I took the job knowing it was part time and I had planned to continue my job search and make some money on the side. However, the promises started almost immediately. I was asked to stop job searching and just to give them time to get me a full time position. If you know me at all, you know this would be hard to believe...so I asked continuously for updates. I asked on the status of the full time position, and the status of my health insurance. As lately as six weeks ago, I was asking for updates, and still was told just to be patient with them.

Well, that all came crashing down this week. They took everything back, and just to really stick it to me, they cut my hours in half with no notice.

Needless to say, I am none too pleased with them. I am anxiously and obsessively looking for a new job.

The most disappointing part of this is how companies treat people. I realize I should have known better, but I just trusted. Everyone told me this place was a great place to work because they really care about people. I beg to differ. Even when I begged them to give me time, like I had given them...let me continue to work my hours until I find something else. Nope. Not gonna happen.

So....yeah. Any job leads...send to me! I have some things in my horizon, but I am open to any and all recommendations.

And seriously...how much bad luck can happen to one person? Here is a brief snapshot of my history with layoffs.

Harrah's: I applied for and got offered another job. I was negotiating salary when the VP of Marketing comes into my office, says he heard I had another job offer, and asked me to stay. So I stayed. And got let go three months later.

Ameristar: The position I got hired for was created for me by the Director of Marketing. She got fired six months later. I assumed I would also be let go, so I started packing up my office. The GM then comes in, shuts my door, and tells me that as long as he is employed there, I would have a job. He would keep me no matter where he had to put me. He got fired the next day. I got let go a few days later.

Kaplan: When Nick left, I started looking for jobs (duh). The VP of Admissions comes into my office and tells me I have to promise him I won't leave because I was the glue holding the campus together. A few months later, the campus closes.

I understand shitty luck, but COME ON! 

Monday, August 19, 2013

I suck

I know I suck lately. I've just got a lot going on.

Stay tuned. Shit's about to get real interesting.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Dropping knowledge

I feel like I need to drop some knowledge on all y/all:
  • One would think that an entire bag of mini Starburst that are already unwrapped would be a delicious treat. Wrong. They taste like candle wax. Save your calories.
  • I saw somewhere (I would assume pinterest, because I'm been binge-pinning lately) that when you feel a breakout coming on, put Vicks Vapo Rub on it and it will bring it to a head and dry it out faster. Guess what? IT TOTALLY WORKS. I have been breaking out like a muthafucka lately, and it's been tremendously helpful. 
  • I also read on pinterest that if you have candlewax spilt in a mason jar, to turn the jar upside down out in the sun and it will melt out. Wrong. It was one billion degrees yesterday and the wax went no where.
  • Brooks running shoes are thebomb.com. I will never go back to Asics.
  • I am not a huge fan of other women's boobs, but the unedited video of Robin Thicke's Blurred lines is in my head and I can't. get. it. out. I am jealous. Watch it. Not at work, though.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Weaknesses

Today I interviewed a girl at work, and when I asked her what her weaknesses were, her answer kinda surprised me.

"I get overwhelmed easily. Like if things get too busy, I'll get overwhelmed. And if I've given a lot of things to do, I'll probably forget something."

Um. Wrong.

I mean, those things clearly are true for her. But obviously she has never been taught to spin a weakness into a strength, ala Michael Scott.

Michael: Why don't I tell you what my greatest weaknesses are? I work too hard. I care too much. And sometimes I can be too invested in my job.
David: Okay. And your strengths?
Michael: Well, my weaknesses are actually... strengths.
David: Oh. Yes. Very good.
Michael: Thank you.
David: Very good.

I haven't been in a real interview in quite some time - since 2009, to be exact. So I haven't been asked to list my weaknesses since at least then. If I were to be asked right now, I would say it's the fact that I can't spell. I can't spell these words:

Definetely
Immediantly
Accreditited

The third one is a doozy, since I spend most of my day checking the acccreditatieon of other colleges. Thank God for spell check. My weaknesses really aren't that bad, since little red squiggly lines let you know of your mistake and you can right click to fix it.
However, what if there was a gun to my head and I had to be brutally honest in an interview and actually list my real weaknesses? I would probably give a too-honest answer like interview girl did today. I would say something like:

"I get obsessive-compulsive about things, and I can't stop doing/thinking/fantasizing about it until one day I just randomly get over it and stop. Examples of this behavior are Weight Watchers, Candy Crusher and, most currently, Glee on Netflix. I get really really upset about tiny things in my life, that are really huge things, but only in my head. I often have about ten "problems" in my head at one time, and most of them are 100% made up and not true. I judge people. I judge them a lot. I'm judging you right now. And in meetings, I can't hide my attitude, my sarcastic face, or my bitchy looks. I hate wearing heels, and pants, and clothes, really. I'm naked a lot when I'm not around people. I want a pet, but I don't want to deal with their death one day so that's why I'm not getting one. I'm actually really selfish, which is why I have yet to get married or have a child."

Wrong answer?


Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Body obsessed

I have spent over two years being obsessed with my body. When this journey started, I really didn't know where I was going with it or where I wanted to end up. I still don't, to be honest. I like the sizes I'm in, but I know I still have weight to lose. I absolutely hate the extra skin I have under my arms, and I seriously would consider skin removal surgery if I had more information.

And then there is the exercise thing - I hate running, but it's the best way to burn calories. Will I run a marathon, or even a half someday? I have no idea. Will I ever be able to lift heavy things? I don't know. Will I ever enjoy burpees? I know, without a doubt, the answer to that is NO.

I haven't been the biggest supporter of myself throughout this journey. I have people who are great to me, but when it comes down to it, I haven't been that awesome to myself. It got me thinking - what if I took the things that I say to myself on a daily basis, and said them to my friends instead?

  • "Well, you look fat today. You've been dieting for how long? You still look fat."
  • "You look ridiculous when you run. Why do you try to run in shorts?"
  • "Good job, fatty. By eating that ridiculous fattening lunch, you don't get food for the rest of the day."
If a friend said those things to me, I wouldn't be their friend anymore. So why do I say them to myself? I should be my own biggest fan and supporter, and I am, in every other aspect of my life except my body image.

I'm going to try to be nicer to myself. I need to remember how far I've come, and how much healthier I am now. I can run and do things I never thought I would be able to do. I can wear cute clothes, and feel cute. Last night I had fruit for dessert - umm, Jen Wilson circa 2010 would have never done that. I have come a long way, and I need to just give myself a break. 

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Cry baby.

I have been 33 for over a week now, and there is one major change in my life I need to report on.

I am a big freaking cry baby now.

I don't know if I'm just crying because I'm middle aged now, or if I'm hitting early menopause, but everything makes me cry. Fo real. In the past week, these things have made me cry:

1. A boy isn't acting like I think he should on my birthday. I cry. He starts to come around, but still not like I think he should. Cry more.
2. A friend disappoints me. Cry. He doesn't get it. Cry more.
3. Finn is really romantic on Glee, and season three oddly foreshadows his untimely passing. Cry so many tears.
4. While driving, I sing Justin Timberlake's Mirrors song at full volume. Get teary eyed. Think about how it mirrors (you like what I did there) my life. Full on cry.
5. My sisters and I spend the day shopping. I love it. When they leave me, I think about how much I love them. Cry.

I am hoping this face leakage attack was also sparked by my period. Because seriously, I cannot deal with being this emotional all the time. I'm going to have to budget in Kleenex at this point.

P.S. I haven't cried since Saturday, so maybe I'm coming around.

Monday, August 5, 2013

Let's get real.

The other day I reached out to my Twitter family and asked for blog ideas. My soulmate Wendy suggested I write about Big Brother and how I would do if I was a contestant on the show.

I super love Big Brother, and I hope it lasts forever. I mean, it's already been on the air forever...it started in 2000, which was a long freaking time ago. I missed the first season, but one night during the second season I was at Nick's house and he was like "Should we check out this Big Brother thing?" and from that moment on, I was hooked.

Although I love it, I would not be a good contestant and I would def get kicked out right away. Let's discuss why, shall we?

  • I feel like, if I were on this show, I would have an identity crisis right from the start. I would go in with the gameplan of laying low and being nice to everyone, like Jordan did during the season she won. That would work for about an hour, but then I would turn into a mean girl, making rude comments about the other girls and giving everyone the JenWilson glare. I would stare at people like they were idiots, and I would be that first eviction, with the reason being "at this point there has been no game play, so we are just evicting you because you are a bitch."
  • If I were to make it past the first week, we would also have a problem with competitions. I think I am amazing at all games and puzzles, but in reality I am no good. I am in decent shape now, so I could hold my own at those type of comps, but I am no where near good enough to actually win. And I don't know if people realize this, but I am a SORE loser. Like the worst. I stomp around and threaten to kill those who beat me. So I would probably get removed from the show for making death threats.
  • However, one thing I would be good at it avoiding a show-mance. I have never been the type to just randomly hook up with people (except for maybe a few exceptions in my younger days), so I could easily avoid that.
  • Another thing I would be amazing at is lying. I am a great liar. Only those who know me well can sniff out my lies, and none of those fools in the house would know me well enough. 
  • But let's just cut to the chase and get to the real reason why I would never make it in the BB house - I am not running around half naked all summer. One piece swimsuits only on this wore out, stretched out body!