Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Right now

I know I need to blog more. It's just hard to come up with entertaining topics to share with y'all. And of course, I am not coming up with anything now, either. So instead of trying to be creative, I'm just going to give you all a rundown of what is taking up so much of my time that I cannot even think of anything to write about.

- I am.  Obsessed. With GLEE. When Cory aka Finn died a few weeks back, I added Glee to my instant que on Netflix so I could pick a few Finn-centered episodes to watch. That has turned into me watching every single episode and I. Can't. Stop.

- Singing. Since I am watching Glee, I am singing the majority of the time I spent at home. Also, since the JayZ JT show in Chicago, I am obsessed with both of them. Did you know if you sing JT's Mirrors as loud and as passionately as you can while driving down the interstate, you can't help but tear up a little?

- Getting my hair as large as possible. I like my hair either stick straight or as loud and curly as possible. Lately I've been trying to find the perfect combination of mousse, gel, conditioner and humidity to make my hair look fantastic. So far I have not had luck and right now it looks like I was electrocuted this morning. But that's what pony tail holders are for.

- I need to find a job that allows me to have summers off. I know this isn't realistic, but come on. I want it.

- Getting as tan as possible. You know it.

- Running 100 miles. Ugh. This wasn't my idea. Me, Hannah and Nick are running 100 miles each before we leave for the Bahamas in 59 days. So far I have ran...9. This will be a long countdown.

- Not spending any money. I have decided to become a tight wad. Unless Coach has a good sale.

- Wearing red lipstick. Because, why not?

Monday, July 29, 2013


Yesterday I turned 33.

I'm not really sure how I feel about it.

The last few days, I have felt every single day of my age. My legs are so sore. My feet are so sore. I feel wore out. Yesterday, I started my day out with a 4.5 mile run, but never experienced a runner's high. I just experienced a runners feel-like-death. I decided if this is what 33 feels like, eff this.

Everything is just kinda weird this year. Usually I am so pumped for my birthday I can't see straight. I plan some night out and tell everyone to come see me and get super pissed when they don't. I adore being the center of attention, and what better day than your birthday to force everyone to pay attention to you?

This year...not so much. My entire weekend was booked solid, and with the exception of a few, I saw all the most important people in my life. Friday night I spent with Nick, Han and the boys. Saturday I went to dinner with Katie and Missy, and Sunday I spent with my family. That's a whole lotta loving in 2.5 days, and I feel very grateful all those people wanted to hang out with me as I age another year.

But I found that I didn't need the big event; I was fine with just simple, low key plans.

When I realized I should probably mark my birthday with a blog entry, I googled "turning 33". I found an article that says that 33 is when life starts getting really really good.

Well let's see. I've been "employed" now for almost 8 months, and the quotation marks should be coming off soon. I have pretty amazing friends, and most of my family is pretty awesome. No real boyfriend, but I'm okay in that department. I met Bret Michaels this year. I went to Chicago with Miss, Minnesota with Toni, and I'm headed to the Bahamas with the Boone's. I got a new nephew this year.

Life is pretty good. And I've only been 33 for one day, so I can only assume things will get even better.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Be jealous.

You guys, my (extended) weekend was kick-you-in-the-balls fantastic. Since this blog is really my diary, saddle up partners cause you are getting a weekend roundup in yo' face.

Friday night - Do you fools even REALIZE how kickass the lineup was at Stir Cove on Friday night? Fastball, Vertical Horizon, Gin Blossoms, Sugar Ray and SmashMouth? Give me a freaking break! It was an awesome night, the weather was great, and the company was even better. Missy and I met for dinner at SAMS ITALIAN VILLA beforehand (haven't been there in a tastes exactly the same...awesome!) and then we met some peeps in Stir bar and then headed down to the show. It was awesome. Awesome awesome. Gin Blossoms! Are you kidding me? Talk about being transported straight back to high school. These are some of the peeps I hung out with.

Saturday - After a little sleeping in, I woke up and couldn't walk. For some reason, even though I have now been a "runner" (okay...really what I do can better be described as a "shuffler" or a "very slow mover"), my left ankle and the bottoms of my feet have been killing me lately. I think I need to buy better work shoes, or just give in and start wearing heels. Anyway, after standing and dancing at the show all night, I couldn't move. So rather than ruin my feet more by working out anyway, I went and got an amazing pedicure at this new place I've found near my apartment. They rub fruits, flowers, hot stones and hot towels on your legs and feet, and it ends with a hot oil/wax treatment. UM AMAZING. After that, I decided to continue my day of pampering with laying by my pool for several hours, and then I wandered over to the Boone's to help Channy celebrate his #2. (Writer's edit - his second birthday. Not him taking a dump.) I love that kid.

Sunday - Missy and I left for Chicago in the AM. We drove all day - I was going to be leisurely about it, but then she mentioned we might make it to the city in time to hit Garret's popcorn before they closed, and I started hauling ass. We made it in time, but since parking is a nightmare we decided to wait until morning to go there anyway. We checked in to the hotel and headed to Gino's for deep dish pizza. Freaking yum. Then we walked around for awhile, and then headed back to the hotel to get some shut eye in preparation for the next day.

MONDAY - Good lordie. Okay. So we woke up, had an awesome breakfast, and then headed to get our popcorn. I LOVE THAT POPCORN. Then we walked miles and miles and miles - we went to Wrigley Field, to Millennium Park, everywhere. It was awesome. Awesome. AWESOME. Some pics...

After that, we went back to the hotel to prepare for the greatest show of my life. We headed to Soldier Field, along with thousands of other people.

The show was epic. I hate that word, but it's literally the only way I can think to describe it. You know how during a fireworks grand finale, how the sky just keeps lighting up and lighting up and in your head you're like "this is amazing, it can't get any better"? That was how I felt during the whole show, only then the next song would start and it WOULD get better. So so sosososososossosososo good. I can't describe it. Plus the whole atmosphere of being on Soldier Field, with every single chair taken, and every single person was going bananas and having the best time.

I really didn't get good pics, but to be honest, I didn't want to waste my time taking pictures - I wanted to watch everything, and not through my iPhone.

After the two and a half hour show we headed back to our hotel, and I seriously couldn't walk at this point. In fact, I wasn't sure I would ever be able to walk again.

Monday - After another amazing breakfast, we left the city and headed to the outlet malls in Aurora. I didn't buy anything except one amazing Kate Spade bag - I'm obsessed with it, but it's a crossbody bag so I will need to take it to a concert or sporting event. Man, if only there was an amazing show coming up that I could take my bag too....

OH WAIT BRET F*CKING MICHAELS just got announced at Stir Cove!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you guys remember when I met him?

Well here's a pic in case you forgot.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

I can't quit you, dew.

I was approached last week to be in a Facebook Challenge group for weight loss/living healthy. With a whopping .4 weight loss this week, I think it's safe to say I will not be crowned the winner.

The leader of the group posts motivating, inspirational things several times a day, and yesterday she was focused on why we shouldn't drink soda. I have tried giving up soda thousands of times. Let me give you a rundown of how that works:

Random night at 11:30p - Today I only had one can of Dt. Mt. Dew. I can easily give up soda. Tomorrow I am not going to drink soda.

Next morning, 7:45a - On my way out the door, I grab a can. I stop myself and put it back. I don't need it. Besides, if I have a melt down at work and need soda, I have an emergency one stashed in the fridge.

8:30a, after breakfast - This is when I would usually crack open my can, silently pretending it is a beer and I'm going to be having fun all day rather than sitting and waiting for the sweet release of death at work. It's okay. I can drink water instead.

10a: I WANT A FUCKING DRINK OF SODA. But it's okay. I will drink water.

1030a: Oh my god, I have a headache. It has to be lack of caffeine.

11a: I AM GOING TO DIE. I need soda. Not only is my head pounding, but I am feeling faint. I can't pass out at work, they will call 911.

11:30a: I can make it til lunch. Then I'll have a soda.

11:31a: Fuck this. I'm drinking soda. One soda won't kill me.

12 hours. The threshold of my self control is 12 hours.

On another note, this soda was opened at 8:30a this morning and has been sitting on my desk half full since then. I guess I just have to know things are available to me if I want them, but if they are readily available I don't really need them. Seriously, the inside of my head is a scary place to be.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

What makes a guy irresistible?

So, you (and everyone who knows me or walks past my desk) knows that I met Bret Michaels a few weeks ago. I LOVE him, but I don't want to do him. I was trying to explain this to someone the other day, and I couldn't quite explain what I meant.

"Like, I LOVE him, like LOVE him. I adore him. But I don't want to see his penis. It would like ruin it, you know? Like I like keeping this thing innocent."

He looked at me like I was crazy, and I admit I mostly am. How do I love this man so much, yet I have no desire to sleep with him?

I mean, let's get real, Bret Michaels isn't my type. Besides being closer to my father's age than my own, his makeup is always better than mine, his stomach is WAY flatter, and his hair is def more luscious and not frizzy ever. I can't compete with his beauty.

So what does make a guy irresistible to me? Well, let's just make a top five list to explain it!

1. He needs to be confident, on the verge of arrogant. I love a man who knows he is good at something and owns it.

2.  He needs to be passionate about something. Anything. I don't care if it's work, his kids, a sport, whatever. Just love something enough to really care about it and want to exceed at it. Exceptions to this would be: drinking, doing heroin, beating women or abusing children. I don't need any guy who is super passionate about any of those things.

3. At my age, it's hard to find a guy who doesn't have at least one kid. Good, involved dads are SUPER HOT.

4.Positive attitudes are also a huge turn on. I don't want to be around Debbie Downers, ever, so if a guy is one he is marked off the list. A guy who is the life of the party and cracking jokes immediately gives me a little female woodie. Also - I really love hosting parties, so a guy who wants to have his buddies over for football games, grill outs, etc, would be great.

5.  Any guy who just takes charge is aces in my book. I realize this pushes the female movement back about 50 years, and I'm not saying I want to be in an apron in the kitchen (although I do kinda likes aprons). I am just saying I want someone to tell me what to do. I want someone to always drive, because I suck at it (clearly, I just got hit by a freaking semi). I want a guy to be like "We're going here for dinner. Then we're going to this movie." I've been making decisions and doing whatever I want for 32.95 years, now I want someone just to tell me what to do.

Monday, July 15, 2013

RIP Finn Hudson (Cory Monteith)

I don't handle death well. I really haven't had to deal with it in real life since I was ten years old, so my only real experience with it is when celebrities die. But if you know me at all, you know that is like having a family member pass.

I was dead asleep on Saturday night (Sunday morning) when my friend Jill texted me the news. We always text each other when celebrities die, get married, get knocked up, etc. The texts are very short, and to the point. I still remember when she texted me "Michael Jackson DEAD!". Most of the time I see her text, check Twitter just to make sure it's true, and then just wait for more news to come out. However, when I got the text "Glee kid dead" (Jill isn't much of a Glee fan), I was shook out of my third level REM sleep and wide awake. Which Glee kid? My heart broke when I saw it was Cory Monteith.

I adore Cory, just like I adore all the original Glee cast. It truly breaks my heart that the show has been renewed for two more seasons and we will have to deal without him being on there. It is also tragic knowing that he was dating Lea Michele in real life, and now she has to go back to work without him. It still doesn't seem real.

How is Glee going to handle this? They better not just have him "move away" or "go to college". Glee fans deserve more than that. We need to mourn the loss of this character too. And we were all led to believe that Finn and Rachel were "endgame". I mean, he even said it to Rachel:

"You and I both know how this thing ends. I don't know how, or when, and I don't care where you're living or what dope you're shacked up with. You're my girlfriend. We are endgame. I know that and you know that."

Oh, hi goosebumps. I've seen a lot of you lately, basically since I got that text for Finn was dead. 
Anyway, if Rachel and Finn were supposed to end up together, not one Glee fan is going to believe that he just left. 

When J.R. Ewing died, I thought Dallas handled it perfectly. They wrote the death into the show, and basically worked the whole season around it. Watching that funeral felt like closure to me (I did not handle JR's death well, either). I need that kind of closure with Finn. However, I have no idea how to work this out. Thank God I'm not a Glee writer. How is Rachel going to get the news that Finn died on the show? How can I even watch that, knowing in real life she got that same phone call and it destroyed her? Just like with JR, it's going to be hard to watch the cast get that news, knowing that their tears are real and they truly are heartbroken. 

Friday, July 12, 2013

Tell us about yourself(ie)

I saw this on Buzzfeed - I love it. So I'm doing it. Deal.

What's the wallpaper on your phone and/or computer?
The wallpaper on my phone, computer and iPad is me and my buddy, Bret Michaels. 

When you walk into a bar, what do you typically order?
Miller Lite with two olives.

What's the one word you are guilty of using too often?
I say "whatever" too much, and I go a lot of "ummmmmmmmm"s. 

What is the last thing you searched for on Google?
"Schwans delivery" - ummm....I really want to be a Schwans family (without the family).

Who was the last person to call or text you?
Text - Leanna
Call - a wrong number earlier tonight

What's one thing that drives you absolutely crazy?
Well, right this second it's Gina Marie on Big Brother - what an idiotic idiot. Oh my God, she is sobbing louder than I puke. Get your shit together, loser.

What is your favorite reality show?
Big Brother, duh.

What's the first CD you bought?
Salt n' Pepa, Very Necessary. It's noneya business!

Who is your girl crush?
Anna Kendrick and Anna Faris

Pick one: kitties or puppies?
Puppies, obvi.

Bacon or Nutella?
Duh. Bacon. 

Tell us a secret.
I'm hungry.

And for your viewing pleasure...the selfies that are currently on my phone.

My hair with no product after a day of being in a pony tail.

NBoo and JWil.

Trying to look professional and slutty at the same time.

Sweat angel wings.

This is what happens when I run with sunburnt arms. Tiny little water blisters. SICK!

Thursday, July 11, 2013

This is just me now

I have decided that on my 33rd birthday, I am putting old fat Jen away and never looking back.

At one time, I had lost 90 pounds. I basically have been maintaining for about a year now, but right now I am about 7-8 pounds up. What can I say? I love me some desserts, doritos and warm chocolate chip cookies.

I am actually working right now to lose those 8 or 9 (or maybe 10) pounds and get back to my fighting weight. But to be completely honest, I'm not really concerned about it. I still fit into all my clothes, and I know it's impossible because I'm 10 (or 11) pounds up, but I FEEL skinnier. So who knows what is going on. My body feels healthy. My medium tshirts still fit. All my pants still fit.  That scale is a sonofabitch sometimes.

I know people get annoyed when I talk about my diet and my weight loss. I know they think I am ridiculous when I talk about running. But those people don't get it. They weren't fat. I was fat. I am still fat in my heart. There are some days when it takes every ounce of willpower I have not to binge eat the shit out of everything bad for me. I want to go to Arbys, then Taco Bell, then Pizza Hut, then Don and Millies. And then I want Cheesecake Factory for dessert. I want to inhale calories without even tasting them. I want to sit on my couch and eat until I am so full I want to puke. I am still a binge eater at my core, and it takes time and energy every single day not to fall back into old habits and let Fat Jen win.

However, it's time to move on. I am never going to be Fat Jen again. I refuse. So it's time to say goodbye to her.

Starting when I turn 33, I am no longer going to consider myself 90 pounds lighter (well...maybe 80). I am just ME. This is who I am. This is what I weigh. Any amount of weight I lose (or gain) after I turn 33 is a fresh start. I need to truly throw those 90 pounds away and not look back at them. So I will weigh in on my 33rd birthday and that is just it. It's not up or down from anything, it's just what I weigh.

I need serious therapy for so many issues, but my body/weight issues is def at the top of the "things I need to talk to a shrink about" list. My body consumes 60% of my thoughts every day. It's a constant struggle - Can I eat that? How can I work it off? Do I need to take a rest day? Can I drink a full throttle soda? But I think putting Fat Jen away and truly accepting that this is my body, this is me, and I worked hard to look this way will help me in this process.

So the comparison albums on this blog and on facebook will be gone once I turn 33. No looking back. No getting fat. No back fat.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

I really miss...

...I really miss having health insurance. It's wearing on me. Like my foot hurts so bad, but I can't do anything about it besides wrap it and hope it feels better.

....I really miss my jeep. I hate driving this stupid rental car, and this morning it took me ten solid minutes to figure out how to put gas in it.

...I really miss having friends at work. It made the day go by a lot faster.

....I really miss sitcoms. Summer TV sucks.

....I really miss Bret Michaels. Remember when I met him?

...and I really miss you, too.

Monday, July 8, 2013


I am so hungover from the weekend. And I didn't even drink one drop.

Unlike so many other people, I didn't have a four day weekend. But for some reason it totally feels like I did. And now I'm going to be lame as shit and tell you what I did all weekend.

Thursday was the 4th of July, so Metro was closed. I headed down to Glenwood early and hung out between Dad's and Mom's all day. The following things happened:
  • I wore shorts for the first, ever.
  • Peg made this dessert which was THE DEAL.
  •  My grandma yelled at me which made me tear up.
  • I lost at beanbags.
  • My dad threw a firecracker at me.
Friday I had to work, but it wasn't really that bad. I ordered pizza for the office and the day kinda sped by. After work I raced home because I got a package in the mail (an amazing scale, which is worthy of its own blog entry later this week) and then I went for a run. After that, I went to Nick's to play with the boys and then me, him and Han had a campfire and made marshmallows and s'mores.  In case anyone wasn't sure, I think this is my favorite way to spend an evening. (But I do not like camping - let's light the fire in a driveway or backyard, okay?)

Saturday was an amazing day. I got up and went to the Goodwill because I decided that I refuse to wear pants all summer long, so therefore I need more skirts. I got SO MANY SKIRTS at the Goodwill. Seriously. I got like 10 skirts for $36.

Then I went to Walmart to look at microwaves (oh microwave blew up on Wednesday night) but I got distracted. Swimsuits were on major clearance, and I need some for the Bahamas (we leave in 82 days, but who's counting?).

Any girl (or guy) who used to be fat will understand this: I have been avoiding buying a swimsuit. Last year I had a tankini thing, which i hated because it had no support for my boobs. I felt stupid and ugly and fat in it, and I knew I needed to find something better for this summer. But obviously, swimsuit shopping is ridiculously scary, so I have been avoiding it.

I dug through their clearance selection, and found a really pretty red suit. I grabbed the size I thought I was, and the one bigger just in case. I went to the dressing room...and guess what? I loved it. The smaller size was perfect, and my eyes teared up. No one will get this unless you used to be fat and know the horrors of trying to find a swimsuit you wouldn't be humiliated to wear in public.

I forgot about microwaves and bought that one suit and bolted. I ran home and ate lunch, and then headed to my sister Nicole's. We were going to meet our other sister, Kate, in Nebraska City for some shopping and dinner.

Guess what happened? I found TWO MORE SUITS. I am now set for my trip, and for lazy days at my apartment pool. I am so happy. And I only teared up for a second in the dressing room that time around.

After dinner, my sisters and I spent a ridiculous amount of time in Walmart and then Nicole and I headed home. I spent the rest of the night with the Pretty Little Liars, and then I was too scared to go to bed so I was up all night. (Seriously...that show is and sometimes it actually does terrify me. Fucking A.)

Sunday I got a wakeup call bright and early from Nick, and we headed to Hannah's dad's lakehouse pretty early in the day. Well, early for someone who had been up all night because she was scared of a fictional television character. It was a perfect day. Floating on the lake is the best way to spend a day.

After a grocery store trip, I was home for the evening to watch PLL and TRUE BLOOD. Oh, and rub aloe all over my body. How is it after months of obsessively tanning, the real sun still burnt the crap outta me?

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

True Blood

Okay y'all. True Blood is three weeks into their summer run.

I LOVE this show. Like LOVE IT. I think it might be my favorite show in the history of shows. But I am having some problems.

1. I hate knowing that Sookie and Bill will never be again. I know they haven't been a couple in a few seasons, but there was just something about their connection with each other, the way they cared for one another and knowing there was always a chance they might get back together that kept me happy. However, now with Bill being some vampire God with secret, undiscovered powers, it's truly over. Especially since he busted his way into Sookie's house and declared her "dead to him".

2. If Bill drains those four fairy girls, I will burn down HBO.

3. If I can't have Bill and Sookie's sexual tension, I need Eric and Sookie's. I thought we were getting there in the season premiere, but that hope quickly went away when she rescinded her invitation to her house.The only thing that bothers me about this match is that Eric is like two feet taller than Sookie, which is awkward. But that doesn't matter once they lay down.

4. I cannot deal with packmaster dickhead Alcide. Come on buddy. Just take your clothes off and be happy and help the vampers.

5. If anything happens to Jason Stackhouse, I will burn down my neighbors house.

6. I miss Luna. And I even miss Russell Edgington. 

7. But get this new fairy boy love interest for Sookie out of my life. Sookie is going to hook up with a vampire or a werewolf. Not one of her own.

I'm going to stop there, cause I could keep going all day and if you don't watch the show, this entry makes no sense to you. Even if these things are bothering me, I will continue to watch it. There are still so many things I LOVE. Like I love Eric this season. He is so passionate about saving the vampires, and the hotness between him and the governor's daughter is killing me. And I love Pam and Tara - seriously, I do. And I LOVE how Jason and Sookie have met their fairy grandfather and are calling him Grandpa.  And I LOVE having Anna Camp back as Steve Newlin's wife. I love her.

WAIT. I just remembered a main character is going to die this season. I'm just warning all y'all - if it is Jason, I will lose my shit.