Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Running tears

I read a lot of blogs written by women trying to lose weight, trying to live healthy, and who are runners. I can relate to so many things they write about, but one thing I have never understood...

...these women RUN until they CRY.

I don't mean they run for miles and miles until they finally just burst into tears. I mean they hit some sort of emotion, some sort of fury within themselves that causes them to leak through their eyeballs.

I have never been there. I think I push myself during every single run, but I have never been moved to the point of tears.

Until yesterday.

I went out with the intention to run seven miles. That's what was up on my workout schedule, and I was dreading it and came up with every reason in the world why I shouldn't have to do it. Finally, I decided just to go get it done, because that way I a. wouldn't have to do it after work today and b. could sit at my pool and dunk my feet in it afterwards.

So I got started on my stupid run. I ran and ran and ran. I hit one mile, then two, then three, then four. That's when EVERYTHING started to SUCK.

I was lost. I mean, not really lost, because I had an iPhone tucked into my sports bra (no, I don't have a cool armband), but I had never been in this neighborhood and it was HILLY. Every single turn I made I found myself at the bottom of a hill. I don't even know how that's possible. But it's true. I ran and ran until I saw a busy street a few blocks up, and I ran towards it thinking it was Q Street.

I had somehow gotten turned around. It was Harrison. I felt like I was miles away from my house, and I wanted to cry. I finally, FINALLY, had ran until I wanted to cry.

Then I got angry. I have two working legs and a healthy body, and I'm CRYING? Quit being a pussy, JWil, and run your fat ass home.

I ran and ran and hit six miles at my driveway. I thought about turning in and cutting my run short, but instead I ran past and did a one mile loop. I ran that last mile so fast - I wanted this freaking run OVER! And I hadn't actually broke into tears, I only wanted to. I also thought for a split second about calling Nick and having him drive down Harrison and scoop me up, but I opted against that.

Next week is my eight mile run. I have this gut feeling actual tears may fall that day.

1 comment:

  1. Oh my god. Seven miles? I bow down. I'm nowhere near that.