2013 Billboard Music Award NomineesTop Artist:
Justin Bieber - No, he is too much of a mess anymore.
Maroon 5 - I think these guys should win. You know. Adam Levine and those other guys.
One Direction - Just no.
Rihanna - She is too hard for me to look at.
Taylor Swift - I super love my Tay Swift, so I wouldn't be upset with this one, either.
Top Hot 100 Song:
“Some Nights,” Fun. - Nah.
“Somebody That I Used To Know,” Gotye feat. Kimbra - I think this song will win. It's just so different and damn, does it get stuck in your head.
“Call Me Maybe,” Carly Rae Jepsen - This would be MY pick if I got to decide.
“One More Night,” Maroon 5 - Again, I love Adam Levine and those other guys. This song makes me want to hump something hard.
“Payphone,” Maroon 5 feat. Wiz Khalifa - Dry humping my chair right now.
Top Billboard 200 Album:
21, Adele - Let's all just agree to be done awarding Adele for this album. No more awards for Adele until she has a new album! Deal? Deal.
Babel, Mumford & Sons - No.
Take Me Home, One Direction - No.
Up All Night, One Direction - NO.
Red, Taylor Swift - Let's give Tay this one. This album is thebomb.com.
Coldplay - Know how I know you're gay?
Fun. - I'm assuming these guys will win. And it would be fun to see Lena Dunham going banana sandwich when they do.
Maroon 5 - All I can think of is sex right now.
Mumford & Sons - Nah.
One Direction - Let's not.
Top New Artist:
Gotye - I feel like these peeps will be a one hit wonder. Next...
Carly Rae Jepsen - Probably not.
The Lumineers - I'm guessing this group will win.
One Direction - Are they even still new?
PSY - Seriously? No.
Top Male Artist:
Jason Aldean - It would be awesome if this drunky drunk won.
Justin Bieber - Is he even male yet?
Drake - No. I'm angry with him bc Amanda Bynes wants him to murder her vagina, and I feel if he would have just agreed, I could have my awesome Amanda back.
Flo Rida - No.
Bruno Mars - NO.
Top Female Artist:
Adele - again, not until you come up with another album, sweetie pie.
Carly Rae Jepsen - No.
Nicki Minaj - NO. Is she even female?
Rihanna - No.
Taylor Swift - That leaves you, my sweet magical Tay.
Top 100 Artist:
Flo Rida - I'm so confused with that these categories even mean. I'm just going to go with....
Maroon 5 - these guys.
Rihanna - Sorry
Taylor Swift - ladies.
Top Billboard 200 Artist:
Adele - What the fuck is this category? I will give this one to.....
Justin Bieber .....
Mumford & Sons .......
One Direction - these guys because their foreign asses should win something.
Taylor Swift - Sorry Tay, I know you dated one of them. Write a song about it.
Top Digital Songs:
Flo Rida - I don't know what a digital song is. Let's give it to.....
Carly Rae Jepsen - Carly. Call me, Maybe seems pretty digital.
Maroon 5 - Sorry lover.
Taylor Swift - Sorry, friend.