Again, not my original thought. Totally stealing from Micah.
These are things you will never hear come out of my mouth...
"Add onions, please."
"Not tonight, I have a headache."
"I'll take a Busch Lite. In a can, if you have it."
"Yes, I'll totally take your newborn child for the whole weekend."
"No don't come over, I'm too tired."
"Oh my, I can't wait to have babies and get married."
"I can't wait to sit at home and hand out candy to trick or treaters"
"Yes, I will totally work a 5am shift (or 6am...or 7am...8am is pushing it)."