Sunday, March 31, 2013

Summer fun

Missy, Katie and I made a list of things we want to accomplish this summer. We always have these big plans, and, somehow, we never do any of them. We have been planning on tanking down the river (what river, you ask? I have no idea.) for several summers now. We have been wanting to go to Adventureland or World of Fun. We want to road trip to concerts, to cool cities, even just to our hometowns for a bar crawl. Nope. Never happens. However, we also have been saying for years that we were all going to start going to church, and, here we are, 1/4 of the way through the year and we are all devoted church goers. #peacebewithyou

It's not like we don't like each other enough to do these things together. We totally do. I think that life just gets away from us, and before we know it it's tailgating season again the summer is gone.

So we started a list. There were some great ideas on the list, but then there were some kooky ideas on it as well. Like camping. I hate camping. But Missy insists it will be fun, so camping is on the list.

Tomorrow is April 1st. I think we need to get started on this list, which we will re-create next time we are all together. Because another goal for us is to take more pictures, and crossing things off our to do list is an amazing way to create picture-perfect memories.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Always learning...

This was a weird week. I got smacked around (not literally) for no good reason, so I spent a lot of the week thinking, evaluating and looking back. That was all in my personal life. My work life was another train wreck, although it didn't directly involve me. Somehow I am the second youngest person in the office (which is extremely weird for me, as I was one of the oldest at Kaplan) but I am one of the most mature. Mean girls never grow up, huh?

I have been quieter than usual this week, and I spent the week nights alone, going for runs and just being at home. What happened this week wasn't life changing (well...maybe), but I feel like I am different now.

1. I have never felt more single than I did this week. I ached for someone to talk to about what was happening, but I didn't have anyone. I am not sure if I will ever get married (I'm just not sure it's something I want to deal with) but at least, after this week, I know of ways to slow down and handle things as a single woman.

2. Thank God I am now a runner. What a great way to clear your head, and the feeling afterwards helps with any kind of brain clouding.

3. Friday Katie and I planned on going to church and then watching TV at my place. That slowly turned into happy hour. Normally I would have just said no to beers...and I'm a little surprised Katie even asked, because I have turned her down so many times in the past three years...but I went with it, and I loved it. Katie and I don't hang out without Missy often, so it was nice to bond and get a little tipsy. I have worried so much about the extra calories and the hangovers, but you know what? It's fine. And I wasn't hungover this morning at all, in fact I got up earlier than usual and ran!

4. I can do that lipstick trick Molly Ringwald does in The Breakfast Club. Not life changing at all, but good to know.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Getting lost

Did every kid get lost at some point when they were growing up? When I am in public places now and I hear over the intercom that there is a lost kid, my heart breaks a little. I got lost once as a kid, and it's terrifying. So I get it, little lost nugget kid. 

I remember it like it was yesterday. My mom, my grandma and I were at the K-Mart in Council Bluffs. I imagine at least one of my siblings was with us, but I was a loner on my adventure of getting lost, so I can't remember. Mom was off looking for something, and I was with Grandma. We were wondering through the womens' accessories area, and I found a red hat I wanted to try on. I grabbed it and went to look for a mirror. I decided I wanted it, and went to tell Gram that someone was buying it for me. But she was gone. And my little ass had a straight up panic attack. 

I walked around for what seemed like hours. In reality it couldn't have been more than five minutes, but oh my god. I walked miles around that store, sobbing and crying out for my long lost family to find me. Finally a store worker grabbed me and took me to page for my mom. I remember being hesitant to accept the woman's help, but finally I told her that my mom's name was Pam Woolson. I took speech as a kid. Shut up.

Finally I was reunited with my family. I'm sure I got yelled out. I also didn't get the red hat. But all I could do was bask in the glory of my reunion with the family I was sure had abandoned me. 

This this story why I am secretly glad K-marts are going bankrupt? Why I panic when I think I'm getting lost? Why my grandma panics when I walk away from her when I take her shopping? Did my quest for a red hat scar us both for life?

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

What do you do with all the "before" pics?

I used to be very fat. I also didn't really know it. And so I posed for a lot of pictures like I was one hot mama. 

What can I say? I was a confident fatty.

I really love taking pictures now. Of myself. I am a bit concieted, I know, but I can't believe that I can take a picture and just be happy with it. No more taking it from high above, so my double chins stretch out. No more editing it to crop out my belly. It's okay that I don't have a photo app anymore to thin myself out. used to be my bestie. I wonder why that website ever shut down. I was an actual paid subscriber. That's how much I depended on their thinning out services. 

Anyway. I dug out some old pictures tonight, and I was just going to post some old ones. But then I started playing with a photo app Missy introduced me too, and realized I had pretty much the same pictures in current life, only I don't look like a heffer. (P.S. It's only okay for me to say that I used to look like a heffer. That word is completely unacceptable to ever call anyone else.)

First off, I have this pic of me singing Shoop. I do not have an updated pic, so I can only show that gross one. This chick is fat, but man she can rap. 

Next we have me and Missy. The before picture was from Missy's first experience with a Glenwood Homecoming. To say Glenwood had an effect on her is an understatement. Missy and I can't ever remember how many years it has been...I believe it was 2006? Yikes. The after picture was September 2012, exactly six years later, at my graduation. 

Me and Nick - the before picture is on the bottom, I believe that was in 2004 at a bar doing something amazing, I am sure. The after pic is this past summer at POISON. Otherwise known as the day Bret Michaels tweeted me. Also Chandler's first birthday. 

Us three girls. Before pic...I have no idea when this was. But I know it was the first night I ever drank Woodchuck. The after pic is this past winter at a Creighton game. 

Confession: I just took this after pic tonight. The before one was taken in 2008, at Peg's 50th birthday party. Confession #2: I will never get rid of that poodle skirt. Confession #3: I was even wearing Spanx in the before picture, and I STILL looked that bad. Confession #4: I really want to wear that poodle skirt to work tomorrow. Confession #5: I'm still wearing it as I blog this. 

P.S. You can think I'm conceited if you want. I mean, let's get real, anyone with a blog is a little stuck on themselves. But I mostly put stuff like this up to hold myself accountable. How embarrassing would it be to sink back to any of these before pictures, when I've blasted them all over the internet?

Monday, March 18, 2013

I just felt like running

Sunday was my first ever race day.

I read a lot of weight loss blogs, and people always talk about (blog about) being nervous for race days. They can't sleep and they make sure to eat well and hydrate before a race, even if it's a 5k.

I was not nervous at all. Well, that's a lie. I was nervous about having to get up so early. I like to sleep. I like to sleep a lot.

Anyway, my aunt and I got up early and headed into downtown Portland. It was a shamrock themed race, so I was wearing a green wig (thank god I was an oompah loompa for Halloween) and various beads/leis/whatevers. I was freezing to death.

We got down there and stood around waiting for the race to start. We lined up with Juana's coworker Jenny, Jenny's sister and Jenny's sister's friend. Still no nerves. I was freezing, but not nervous.

All of a sudden it was time - I was so excited to run - but we had to just stand there and wait for the line to move. I was getting pissed. I didn't have a time goal in mind, but I was annoyed the first ten minutes of the race I was standing there waiting to move.

Yes, people who have raced before, I didn't know the chip in my shoe was to measure my actual time. Shut up.

Anyway, then we finally got moving. I started running, and thought I was moving fast. I was going to use my map my run app so i could pace myself, but immediately forgot when I started moving. I also had a killer set list, but didn't even turn it on until after mile 2. I guess I was moving to the momentum and adrenaline, and also watching all the freaks around me (Portland ain't kidding when they say they are weird).

I realized my awesome green wig wasn't compatible with running, so I threw that sucker. Also, my various neck gear got to be annoying, so I tossed that as well. Somewhere between mile 2 and 3 everything started to suck, so I turned on my music and tried to zone out.

All of a sudden I was at the halfway mark! I was so excited, so I kicked up the speed a little and then...just last mile 3 I got my awesome side cramp, which I always get at the 5k mark when I'm running. Maybe it's my body telling me that's the distance I should stick with. Who knows. At any rate, I stopped to walk and breathe it out. I sound like I'm in labor when I'm trying to force breathe out a cramp, but at that point I don't care. I got to running again quickly, just wanting this damn thing to be over.

When I hit the 4 mile mark I wanted to scream. Less than a mile left! .97. I can do anything for .97 of a mile, right!

Nope. Cramp again. I stopped and walked again, but only for a few seconds. So annoying. Since I don't know Portland at all, I kept thinking "the finish line has to be right around this corner, right?" And then I'd be wrong. Finally, finally it was in sight and I hauled ass to get there.

I was so so so relieved to cross that line. When I was fat, I would walk 5ks, but the finish line was never exciting. It was more like "great, that's over, now that's go get breakfast." I couldn't run across this finish line because of the crowd, but I stomped on it. The clock above me said one hour eight minutes, but I didn't believe that because I knew we wasted at least ten minutes standing around before we were running. I decided it took me about an hour, which was a 12 minute pace, which was fine by me.

Later they posted the results, and I ran it in 55 minutes! That's when I realized what the chip in my shoe was for. Shut up. I realize 55 minutes is still slow, but I am incredibly happy with an 11 minute pace!

Takeaways from this race:
1. I'm so so glad I did an 8k to start off with. Now 5ks seem like a breeze! I usually run 4-5 miles during a workout anyway, so that was a distance I as comfortable with.
2. Even when I'm not training for a race, I want to keep running. Today I am not sore at all, and I feel pretty awesome. I want to keep the mentality that a 5k is an "easy" race.
3. I am so glad I started running, even though I hate it and it sucks.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Race day eve

Tomorrow is my first race. For some reason, I am not nervous at all. Maybe I will be when I get up in the morning. But for now, the only thing giving me a little apprehension is the fact that I don't feel awesome - I think it's because I haven't been eating that well, but I'm on vacation so back off.

When I get home to my laptop, I'll update with an actual vacation post. If I live through tomorrow's five miles.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013


Holy shit you guys. My little ol' blog has been getting a lot of action lately. I thought I only had like three loyal followers, but I guess I have more. Well stalk away, my friends. I wish I had checked my stats before I put up that picture of me crying over Dallas.

Actually, no, I don't care. I'm human. I cry over tv shows.

But I'm done now blogging about JR Ewing. I can't, however, say I am done blogging about Dallas. I started watching the old series from the late 70's - 80's - 90's and I LOVE it. I'm on seaon 2 of 14.

Here are some things that have been on my mind lately:

1. Portland/Vancouver WA -  I leave today to go stay with Juana and John for a few days. I am so excited for a vacay from my grueling world of working. I mean, I had the whole month of December off but I've been working steadily since - yes, I deserve a vacation.

2. My purse - I dropped my beautiful, big Coach into a puddle the other night. Just straight up, the entire thing in a huge puddle. I screamed like I had been shot. Then thought to myself "maybe i need to re-evaluate my priorities".

3. My diet - So I tried low-carb (really no carb) for awhile, and it sucked so bad. I was miserable, and when I did the math, I was only eating like 600 calories a day. No wonder I didn't lose anything. So now I am tracking calories and it is easier, plus I am not a crabby pants and I don't feel like dying all the time. Also, I finally figured out how to get sodium into my life - olives! I eat ten olivies for an afternoon snack - 100 calories, and it pushes my sodium to (over) where it needs to be.

4. The OZ movie - Hannah and I went and saw it and it was magical. I was extremely nervous that they would ruin my OZ love, but it was amazing.

5. Giveaway? - Somehow a company found my blog and thinks I'm amazing. So they want to give me a free software program (for like scrapbooky, picturey type thing) to give away to one of my readers. Let me figure out what the hell any of this means, and I'll get back to you guys.

I am unsure if I will blog while at my aunt's - I'm probably going to be really busy eating, sleeping, shopping, tanning, getting my hair done, running, reading and relaxing. But who knows, I may update every single thing I do.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Goodbye JR

This was me last night while I was watching JR's funeral.

I was a disaster.

But I did find out that if you're freaking out crying, a way to stop instantly is to take a picture of yourself.

Monday, March 11, 2013

The Ultimate Survey Part 9

Have you ever risked a friendship by telling someone you liked them?
No. I never tell anyone I like them.

Would you rather be alone doing something you enjoy, or doing something you don’t like with your best friends?
Alone, doing something I enjoy. I'm far too old (and stubborn) to waste time doing something I don't want to do.

Do you practice what you preach?
Typically, no. I am awesome at telling other people how to live and then acing like a complete moron in my own life.

If you take precautions to stay safe, do you ultimately act more recklessly?
I don't even know what this question means. I typically don't act reckless, except when it comes to my feelings and my heart. 

What do you value more in a significant other: Attractiveness or intelligence?
I have to be attracted to someone before I ever find out whether or not they are intelligent. 

Are you hard-headed?

Have you ever laughed uncontrollably when it was socially inappropriate?
Constantly. My worst moments are in church and at weddings. I absolutely cannot be serious about a wedding. Especially when I know it will end in divorce at some point. Also, anytime I am with Nick at an event I cannot take it seriously and laugh through the whole thing, no matter where we are. 

When have you felt most alive?
Oddly enough, I was just thinking about this today. After my neck surgery, I got home on a Tuesday, and then ended up back in the hospital and got home for the second time on a Friday. When I got home the second time, I knew I needed to get well as soon as possible so I could leave my dad's couch and go back to my apartment. I tried my damnest to make my parents believe I was better, and I left the wood on Sunday and drove home. I was terrified to drive home, and I remember feeling so amazing when I pulled into my parking spot, I just started sobbing. It was overwhelming that the journey with my tumor was finally over and I could start to move on without the lump on my neck. 

Would you prefer to live? A city? The suburbs? The countryside? The mountains?
Is Omaha considered a city? This is where I want to stay.

Do you often skip breakfast?

Sunday, March 10, 2013


This weekend I did something I never thought I would do again.

I worked at a slot tournament.

I don't think most people realize how weird this is for me. I spent so many hours during my early -mid - late 20's in the casino. I worked long hours, weekends and holidays. I made the best friends of my life. I hooked up with co-workers. I was obsessed with figuring out what makes gamblers tick, how they think, and how to get them to spend even more money on "my" gaming floor. I wanted to get a casino themed tattoo, for crying out loud.

Thank God I didn't. I never thought I'd be back in that industry again, but a lunch date with one my best friends, Jill, changed my mind and this weekend I found myself in the back of the Whiskey Roadhouse, dealing with overobsessed gamblers and their issues.

When I got to work, I realized it's been a long 4.5 years since I've worked there. I didn't know where to park. I didn't know how to walk in. I had completely forgot where anything is at the Shoe, and I tiptoed my way through the gaming floor to find Jill. She said I looked like Molly Ringwald when she was slowly walking into her prom. I'm taking that as a compliment.

It was fun. I can't lie. Most of my former co-workers aren't there anymore, but I have some friends left, so I was able to catch up with them. The same gamblers who were playing in the tournaments five years ago were still there. And I'm pretty sure they didn't even notice I was gone. They approached me and asked questions like they had just seen me yesterday.

Some things were a little hard to take. Some people referred to me as "newbie". They had no idea I had worked there for so many years before, and that I was actually the first person to create the template for slot tournaments at Bluffs Run. I was there when we had to hold them in the Free Show Lounge, and I was manually inputting scores into an excel spreadsheet. The fancy machines they have now kinda freaked me out, and I'm glad I wasn't having to get too involved with them. When a major crisis happened, it was hard for me to stay in the background and not get involved. My brain wanted to solve the problem. But it's not my place now.

It's hard to imagine my life if I had never left the gaming industry. I feel like that was a lifetime ago. I'm on my fourth job since then, I've lost 90 pounds, a massive tumor and gained a masters degree and an expertise in a whole new industry. I've grown up a lot, and looking back I can't believe how wildly inappropriate my behavior was. I am sure surveillance greatly enjoyed my antics, but now I am pretty embarrassed about some of the things I did.

Yes, I miss the hustle and bustle and being with my friends all day every day. But I really love my Monday-Friday day shifts, feeling like I'm helping people change their lives (for the better) of all...the built in vacay around the holidays. But I can't lie - I'm kind of excited about this new on-call gig. Only working the fun stuff will help balance out the forty hours a week I spend sitting at a desk.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

This hurts my heart...

Okay. Y'all know that I love Bret Michaels. So I was very pumped that he was scheduled to compete in this season of Celebrity Apprentice. I was excited to spend Sunday nights with him, and was planning on working out from 7p-9p every Sunday because that's really the only time I fully focus on the television.

I was a little leery of this whole thing. All of the CA commericals were featuring that fucking loser Gary Busey, and I hadn't even seen a glimpse of Bret in the background. Sunday night was the premiere, but I was recording it (DVR-ing? I don't know the proper lingo here) because I was out all day with Missy and then at Maroon 5.

I didn't get home til midnight that night, so I went straight to bed. But something felt weird in my heart.

When I got up the next morning, I googled to see who got kicked off. My heart sunk.

It was my boo. Bret! What the hell!!

When I got home, I deleted the first episode off my DVR without watching it, and took it off my list for the rest of the season. I can't watch him get kicked off. This isn't new behavior, I have also been known to delete emails without reading them if I see who they are from and know it will piss me off. I also delete voicemails without listening to them and texts without reading them. I may have a problem facing things.

Anyway. I knew in my head I was being a huge baby, but I am SO PISSED Bret got kicked off first. The only good thing is maybe this means he will tour this summer and I can see his fine ass somewhere.

By Wednesday I was starting to get over it. Then I saw a tweet about how Bret had a complete meltdown after he got kicked off. Apparently (allegedly) he was crying and freaking out because he really thought he was going to win.

Um. Now I'm not sure I can handle this. Seriously? Come on Bret. We're better than this.

I am really hoping he was just super emotional because he now won't be able to win all that money for his charity. Actually, I'm just going to pretend that's the case, cause I can't deal with his ego being that big that there is any other reason for an emotional breakdown over losing a game.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Things I can't deal with/accept

1. For some reason, I can't accept the fact the J.R. Ewing is dead. After he got shot the other night (sorry if I spoiled it for anyone, but get real, he died in real life, clearly the character is a goner too) I just laid there and bawled. I didn't watch the original Dallas. I am now, starting with season one hopefully tonight. Why am I so attached to this character? No idea. But I can't deal.

2. I can't handle the fact that Twilight is now done with and this is the complete collection. No more DVDs to buy or movie marathons in the theatre with Hannah.

3. I can't deal that in a short week and a half, I have to run a 5 mile race. At least I will look cute while I am huffing, puffing and dying.

3. I can't deal with the fact that I once again have a gaming badge and will be working on a casino floor again.

4. I can't believe that my scar isn't going to open up, and made Missy take a picture of it so I could examine it closely for signs of it cracking open.

5. I still can't handle Hobby Lobby being closed on Sundays.