Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Who am I?

I had a weird night last night. I left work, went home and changed and headed straight to the gym, like always. When I got to the gym, I got on my treadmill and started warming up. That's when I realized I forgot to switch bras.

Now, I realize my boobs aren't that big anymore. But I also cannot run in just my normal bra. So I decided I would do a 45 minute walk, raising the incline every 2 minutes until I got to level 10, and then lower it every two minutes. That was a helluva workout, and I felt like I really worked my legs and ass.

I ran a few errands and went home. I was feeling weird. Something was bugging me. I couldn't figure out what.

Then it hit me - I felt like I half assed it at the gym. I only walked.

I realize hearing over and over again how I don't really know myself anymore is getting old, but it still amazes me sometimes. When I started going to the gym, I would have never run on the treadmill. Ever. EVA. I tried to get  30 minutes of cardio in, sometimes having to split it between 15 minutes on the elliptical and 15 minutes walking on the treadmill. Sometimes I couldn't even do that, so I would do 10 on each of those and then 10 minutes on a bike. Bumping it up to 45 minutes seemed like a massive task that I wasn't sure I could do.

Fast forward a year later and I'm feeling guilty?

I also got this message on Sunday, from a guy I have known since the beginning of time (well, since elementary school):

"I just wanted to let you know that I recently started trying to get into tip top shape and I'm using your amazing success as a motivation tool. You should be so proud of yourself. "

Wait what? How can I motivate anyone? I am still in awe every single day of this journey, that just started with a bad doctors visit. I never know how to respond to things like that, so hopefully I didn't sound like too much of a tool.

However, I LOVE these types of comments, because they are holding me accountable. I have quite the audience to keep me motivated to continue this lifestyle. I don't ever want to be the person people talk about and say "Oh my, did you see Jen Wilson? She gained back that weight she lost, how sad."

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