Friday, February 15, 2013

Weird ramblings

I was going to take the rest of the month off from blogging. I have just been in a weird mood lately. It's not a funk, because I think to be in a "funk" you have to be crappy and not really sure why. I'm not crabby at all. In fact, things literally couldn't be going better for me. I don't know how I am as lucky as I am. I have a supportive family and amazing friends. I somehow managed to turn a layoff from Kaplan into this amazing opportunity at Metro, and I still am pinching myself over that. I am so content in so many areas of my life, and I am so glad I have people to bask in my randomness with me, whether its going to the mall just to get a soft pretzel, or armwrestling with me and not letting me win.

I think my problem stems from other people's problems. Let's see if I can explain this one. There are two people who aren't in my life, but they are in my friend's lives. And they are not doing so hot. Like in the hospital, bad stuff happening every day, yikes stuff. I am praying for them (yes, still doing the church thing. Peace be with you.) and I am trying to support my friends, even though their friend has no real affect on me. I don't really know how to be a good friend to a friend whose friend is sick. But I'm trying.

This is also becoming a stuggle for me because I am SO lucky. How come I am so lucky, but these girls aren't? Why was my tumor a nothing; just an egg sized nothing attached to an artery? It came out clean and every doctor since my surgery has told me my recovery was miraculous. I was back at work ahead of schedule, and I've had no problems since, other than an ocassional freak out because I think the scar is ugly, or a melt down because I'm (still) scared it's going to open back up.

Seriously? I am whining over an ugly scar? I AM ALIVE. It was NOT CANCER. Why am I SO LUCKY? My mom had cancer, and now it's just gone. My brother went to war, twice, and now he's here living next door to my dad. I have beautiful nieces and nephews who are all smart, healthy and growing like they are supposed to be. I have a pregnant sister with a healthy baby in her belly.

I haven't always been this lucky, or in these good of spirits. I hit my low too. But it was temporary, and everything happens for a reason. Life is hard. I have been thanking God like it's no ones business lately. Not only because of my incredible blessings, but for the strength to continue fighting the good fight.

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