Monday, December 31, 2012


I'm not sure how I feel about New Years Resolutions. Last year I resolved to hit my ultimate weight loss goal, and I fell short of that. I also resolved to travel more to see my friends and I where. So clearly I suck, so I have thought carefully about my resolutions for 2013. I have decided on three:

1. Pay more attention to where I park at stores. It never fails. I park, run into Walmart, leave 20 minutes later and wander around the parking lot looking for my car. It is especially annoying in the winter time, and embarrassing when I have friends with me.
2. Get off my iPhone. I have GOT to break my addiction to my phone. I'm pretty sure this is why I'm not able to fall asleep at night. It is far too important to play one more game of tri-tower than it is to close my eyes. Also, I feel that this goal will help me be more "in the moment". That may not make sense. I just feel that because I am on my phone so much, I am not really paying attention to anything around me and really being "there" for the people I am with.
3. Continue running even though I hate it. I sweat like an em-effer and I always feel awesome afterwards. I may never run a marathon, but I will continue to do my running workouts.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Update on my weight loss journey

I just realized I hadn't posted anything about my diet/exercise life in a long time. It hasn't been forgotten, I've just become more normal about it.

I hit 90 pounds down, and I gained about three of that back over Thanksgiving. I am honestly not sure where I'm at now, because I tried to chill about my obsessive scale checking and just enjoy the holidays. I plan on weighing myself on New Years Day.

I rejoined Weight Watchers, not really because of the three pound gain, but just to give myself accountability for 2013. Since it's my second time on it, I feel really awesome about that decision. Also, it was awesome putting in a MUCH smaller "pounds loss" goal this time, since I got rid of that original 90.

My workouts have been AMAZING lately! I have learned so much about strength training from my trainer, so I incorporate that into my workouts every day. I am also training for a 10K now - I'm not sure if I will ever even become a "race" runner, but I love it. I am officially committed to my first race, 8K with my aunt in March. However, I will not be trying to beat anyone; I will just be trying to run the whole thing without dropping dead.

All in all, I'm feeling pretty wonderful about everything right now. I'm not crazy - I still eat, and drink, and have fun. Just last night Missy and I went to dinner and I got a big ol' beefy cheeseburger. In 2013 I'd like to drop some more weight (or maybe just inches?) but I am pretty damn content with myself right now. And that may be conceited - but I don't care!

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Ringing in 2013

Since the major theme of my blog lately seems to be that I am old as hell, I will add one more example. New Years Eve is next week, and I don't want to do anything. 

Seriously. I want to sit on my couch with a bottle of wine and hopefully fall asleep before the new year hits. 

In the past, New Years Eve was my favorite holiday. Before I worked at the casino, we had house parties.

This was Y2K, when we weren't exactly sure if we would live through the night and the best way we knew to handle it was play "Back That Ass Up" on repeat.

This was 2002, at the Davenport house. That house was fucking sick. And apparently I drank Bud Heavy. And Pat was just a little guy. And I didn't know what a hair straightener was. 

After I graduated college, I spent my New Years with my best friends at the casino. My first year there was ringing in 2004, when I was just a young pup. 

Oh young Jen...back away from these two. 

Jill and I threw many new years parties throughout the years. 

My favorite year ever was our Casablanca themed New Year. 
Adam and I posed for pictures every year, even though I basically wore the same outfit for seven straight years. 

And last year, even though it had been three years since I had worked at a casino, I ended up back there at the VIP party with Roy.

Oh old Jen...back away. this year I'm thinking I'm ringing in the New Year alone. And I'm fine with that. 

Unless someone comes up with something to do. 

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Post Christmas Grinch

Apparently I have another thing to add to my list of ways I am old as hell. I cannot sleep or poo anywhere but my own house. 

I went down to Glenwood (my favorite place on earth, mind you) on the 23rd to make Christmas treats with my mom all day. I decided it was easier just to stay the night, since we were having lunch at Dad's the next day. And I may as well spend the night again, since I was going up to Mom's all day on the 25th. And then, really, I should stay the 25th since I have an early morning haircut on the 26th and then another holiday lunch with my siblings. 

AHHHHH! I made it until halfway through the day on the 25th and then decided I needed to go home. I got NO SLEEP at all during my Glenwood sleepover, and I hadn't pooed in days. I know. TMI. But it's my blog, so shut up.

I hit Grinch status at about 6pm on Christmas Day. So I said goodbye to the wood and headed to Homaha (with my sister Kate), and we straightened our hair and prepared for this morning's big cut.

We hooked up with Leanna at 10am and she chopped our locks. 

Locks of Love gained twenty inches of hair, and we look super fly with our new haircuts.

After the haircuts we had lunch, and of course, mom wanted pics. This is my favorite picture of the four of us ever. Mom wanted Nicole's belly in the picture, which disgusted me (pregnancy is gross) and Kate's face is flawless. 
My new favorite thing to do when I see Bill is try to beat the shit out of him. I can't (obviously) and I burn a couple hundred calories trying. 

Now that I've been home by myself, cleaned and put everything away, done laundry and gone grocery shopping, I'm less grinchy and more Jen. Apparently I just needed some Jen time. All better now!!

Hope you all had a great holiday - I'm excited to get 2013 started! 

Friday, December 21, 2012

Hating the face

I am seriously struggling with my relationship with Facebook.

I think I hate it. 

It's like when you're in a relationship, and you know you are miserable and the guy really can't do anything to please you anymore. Everything he says annoys you, but you've been together a lot of years and you are a creature of habit, so you stay. Plus, your own sick obsession makes you want to stay, because you can't let him go. 

I admit I use Facebook a lot. I don't update my status as much as others, or as much as I used to. I do put pictures up every so often. Right now I am using it more often, because 1. I am unemployed, and 2. I created a fan page for my dad's christmas display so I have been updating that daily. 

I think there are some things that Facebook is very good for. Personally, when I reach weight loss milestones, I post pictures into a specific album I created for my weight loss journey. I don't do this for the feedback, I do it to hold myself accountable. I am not ridiculous enough to think all of my friends give a crap about me, but I do know some of them have really followed my journey and sent me messages or asked questions about my diet. I have reconnected with a friend from middle school who has also lost this much weight, and we motivate each other. Once I post a picture, I know I can't go backwards. I can't put the weight back on. And for that, I have to thank Facebook. 

However...there are many, many things I hate about this stupid social media site.

5. People who complain about other people who post spoilers about tv shows. Are you serious? You are too busy to watch a show you "care" about so much, yet you can be on facebook? Here's an idea...stay off the fucking internet if you know you are watching some stupid show that other people are watching. It's not like you have to check into facebook every hour...just stay the hell off of it if you think someone is going to ruin your life by posting about a tv show. 

4. Girls who live a fake life through this stupid site. I say "girls" because, sitting here, I can't think of a single man who does this. If you have to post every day about how wonderful your man is, and how perfect your family is, more than likely you are trying to make yourself believe that as much as you are your "friends". Also in this category - girls (again, never seen this from a guy) who think that their wedding is in the same realm as the royal wedding. It's one fucking day. You do not need to continuously post pictures from your one day for an entire year. Also, an album of over 200 pictures from a day that is all about you isn't necessary. No one wants to look through those pictures. And no one wants to see pictures of you kissing your new husband in a hotel room on your honeymoon. We all know that sex followed that kiss (hopefully) so fucking keep it to yourself. 

3. People who repost those stupid pictures that look like they are from Pinterest, but I am not really sure where they are getting them. My mother is positively the worst person about this. It's okay to do this every once in awhile, if you see a certain one that strikes a nerve with you, or you think is just too funny not to pass on. But my mom (and others) post like ten pictures a day. And my mom captions them..."yep", "so agree"...shut up! Obviously you agree, you fucking posted it! And I cannot stand the ones that are like "love my children and grandchildren more than anything"..."yep"...SHUT UP! If you love them so much, get the hell off the computer and go hang out with them!

2. Stay at home moms who bitch about how busy they are all the time and how no one understands their job, yet they are on facebook all day. This one could get me in trouble. And I know this is not true of all stay at home moms. My sister is one, and I have to beg her to post pictures weeks after they are taken because she is never on facebook. HOWEVER...there are many, many moms on my timeline every day who are complaining about how busy their lives are, yet I see them commenting and posting those DAMN pictures every hour of the day. Or they are the ones in those swap groups bullying us poor people who aren't in them enough to know all the rules or lingo. 

1. People who just love to give themselves a pat on the back. Every day. I AM SO SICK OF THIS. Like I said above, I am guilty of this with the weight loss. However, losing weight is HARD. And I know first hand how much dedication it takes. If I can help one person get through another day of their diet, I am happy to do it. However, if you check into the gym every day, you need to recognize your own douchebag ways. Also, this is one that really kills me: "Picked my nephew up from school today. My sister needs help, and I am so happy to do it. It feels so good to help people and do good things for others." HELLO?! Could you possibly be begging for compliments more? Of course, people who fall for that comment with "you are such a good person" and "your sister is so lucky to have you". If you are truly into doing good deeds for people, then you should also be someone who doesn't need recognition for doing it. 

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

What if the world seriously does end?

Yesterday when I was meeting with my mentee, she asked me "What is up with this end of the world thing?"

I explained the Mayan calendar and how it ends on Dec 21, 2012. I really sounded like I knew what I was talking about, even though I don't really get it myself. I love when Allison asks me to explain things to her; I sound smart and she looks at me like I'm a genius.

"Like, how will the world end?" she asked next. "I don't know...maybe a huge storm? Like a flood where everyone dies?" I answered. Like I said, I haven't really looked into this world ending thing.

"Well if there is a storm on Friday I am not hanging out at school all day. I am just going to walk out the door and go home," she declared. I can't blame her, so I told her that was fine. I don't like to be a nag to her, so I often just agree when she tells me she is going to break the rules.

I guess since we don't really know if the world will end Friday, it is hard to plan for it. But what if it does happen? Running my next workout today will seem like a waste of time. So will paying my bills, or saving any money. I should be out spending everything I have, since by Saturday we will all be long gone. And who cares about finding a job?

I feel that with the world possibly ending on Friday, along with crazed gunmen going on batshit crazy shooting sprees every 4-6 months, you never know what's going to happen. So last night, when I was laying awake til 3am, I had a revelation. I need to make sure every single day every single person in my life knows that I love them and would be lost without them.

This morning, I was going to reach out to everyone I know and tell them I love them. But now that I am upright and not sleep deprived, that does seem like a lot of work. So I will make a new promise - I will make sure that when I come across people I love, I will make sure they feel loved.

So I'll start with you - if you are reading this, I more than likely love you. Unless you are stalking me and this is how you keep tabs on what I am doing. Then I just kinda like you.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Getting old is a bitch

A few weeks ago when I was hanging with my grandma and my mom, grandma was doing her usual rant session about how annoying and stubborn my grandpa is. And he is. He pretty much refuses to leave the house now, because he thinks most people are "fucking morons". And don't even get him started at the price of food. He can't believe people would go to expensive restaurants like Applebees when they can go down to McDonalds and get a McDouble for one dollar.

Grandma mentioned during this rant that he won't take her to any buffet except the casinos (when they have comps) and she hasn't even been to a Golden Corral in years. So when we set up a shopping trip for Saturday, I suggested we go there and grab lunch before we go shopping. 

So me, Mom, Gram and Kate met there. And Grandma's mind must have forgotten that she hates that place. She bitched about everything - she hated every single minute of our dining experience, from the lumpy potatoes to the gross bathrooms. "I can't believe YOU would even eat in a trashy place like this," she said to me, clearly insinuating I am a bit of a snob and this place was extremely trashy. 

"Grandma! You are the one who said no one would bring you here!" I exclaimed, then added "Have I ever taken you anywhere you have liked for lunch?"

I've been taking Grandma to lunch and shopping for several years, and she has found something wrong with every single place we've gone. We've even gone to expensive places and she has complained about how "fancy" the lettuce is.

Usually at the end of our shopping trips we get ice cream. However, I was freezing to death and couldn't get warmed up, so I suggested Starbucks instead. I should have known better. Her plain coffee, black, was "too strong", and she had them dump half of it out and add cold water because it was so hot it almost put hair on her chest and boobies. Her words. 

So I left Grandma that day feeling defeated. Then on Sunday, I went and met the girls for dinner at Missy's house, where Miss made chili. She made is extremely plain, to please me, not even adding onions or seasoning salt because she was worried I wouldn't eat it. 

So that, plus the fact that I have been extremely freezing and dressing in layers in my own apartment, has made me realize something...

I am my grandma. She blames her amount of complaining on getting old. I didn't think I was getting old, yet, but the last two days have made me realize...I am one old bitch.

  • I pluck gray hairs from my head every single day. I get gray hairs in my EYEBROWS. 
  • It is hard as hell to drop even a pound anymore. My old, dying body wants to hold on to every last ounce it can.
  • I am freezing ALL THE TIME. And I've lost all sense of looking good - I don't care. I just want to be warm, so if that includes an embarrassing fleece hat, so be it. 
  • My body just can't handle things like it used to. I get those achy pains in my legs when I overdo it at the gym - like growing pains when you're a kid, except I'm not growing. In fact, I may be getting shorter, which sucks, because I'm not that tall to begin with. My achy legs equal no sleep, so then the next night I sleep for like 16 hours straight. 
I had no idea 32 was going to signal the end of my young life.

Friday, December 14, 2012


The tragedy that happened today, and continues to unfold as the hours pass, is the worst to happen to us in my lifetime.

I can't think of a scarier situation. Just yesterday I was trying to think of what American Horror Story will focus on next season - this season is a Catholic mental institution and I couldn't think of what they will do next season, as this season is the scariest situation in the world.

Nope. A crazed gunman shooting up a kindergarten class is the scariest fucking thing in the entire fucking world. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. Seriously?

Obviously I am not personally affected by this. It happened in Connecticut, I am in Nebraska. I was paying bills at my desk when the breaking news alert happened. I was at lunch with Nick as his iPhone kept beeping with updated fatality numbers.

My sister was teaching her 3rd graders, and my niece and nephew were in their kindergarten classes. That makes this case close enough to hit my heart. I cannot even imagine losing one of those three people.

However, two things are really pissing me off about this whole thing, and since this is my blog, you have to deal with my rant.

1. All of these people who are putting up Facebook statuses about hugging their kids tighter today need to get a clue. Seriously? Hug your fucking kids every day. And make sure every single hour of their lives they feel loved, and cared for, and supported. Make those kids feel like they are people who can do anything they want to, and that they matter in this world. Then maybe, one day, they won't go apeshit and shoot up a school because of their mommy issues.

2. SERIOUSLY? Taking a day like today to go on a political rant about religion in schools or the second amendment. QUIT BEING AN ASSHOLE.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

A letter to Santa

Dear Santa,
I haven't written you a letter in a long time. And I'm sure this letter will be very different from the ones I used to write you, when I asked for She-ra castles and My Little Ponies. Wait. I don't think I ever asked for My Little Ponies. I was more into Rainbow Bright and Jem.'s been a very interesting year, Santa. You know the point of these letters are to ask for things, so I'm just gonna get right to it.

1. Santa, please help the employees of Kaplan CB094 find jobs. Everyone was hit with a gut punch earlier this month, so please help everyone land on their feet. I'm almost there, so focus on them for awhile, then come back to me and help me find a job with health insurance.

2. Please help my family and friends stay gainfully employed and healthy.

3. Please help a few certain people figure out their way. Help them gain the confidence and desire to be happy.

4. Please help another friend get her head out of her ass. I can name names if you want, Santa. Just email me.

5. Please help my little nuggets (Gav, Kay, Grace, Soph, Evan, Coop and Chan) continue to grow and be healthy.

6. Please help my sister - keep her healthy and strong.

7. I really need an iPhone 5. Give me a hand with that?

8. Please help me by giving me the willpower not to march into Gavin's kindergarten class and not smack the shit out of the little boy who is bullying him.

That's all Santa. I know it's a lot to ask. But if anyone can do it, you can, right?

Love, Jen

Monday, December 10, 2012

No creativity whatsoever....

You guys...I think I have hit a wall. I know I need to keep blogging to keep you loyal reader(s) happy. But I can't for the life of my think of anything to write about.

I'm unemployed.
I'm single.
I've put my weight loss into maintenance mode until the new year.
I have no drama.

So...I googled blog ideas. This seems fun, so I'm going to do it.

Take a picture of:

Something not many people know that you own.

Clearly most people think I am not religious...which I may not be. Either way, I traded my sister an expensive ring for this, because I needed to have it. 

What you are eating or drinking right now.
I know right...lame.

The book you are reading now.
When I'm not playing on my iPhone in bed, I'm reading Judy Garland's life story or re-reading Fifty Shades. And highlighting things to try.

Favorite piece of jewerly/clothing.
I fucking love this sweater/shirt, not because it is that awesome, but because it's the first time in my life I've been able to fit into Banana Republic clothes. And it's a MEDIUM. And it was $3 at the Goodwill!

Your favorite thing on your wall.
My Grandma Neppl on her wedding day. So gorgeous!

My Grandpa Wilson. Doesn't this look like an Abercrombie ad? So handsome!

Your favorite thing that you own.
This plays Somewhere Over the Rainbow. My dad got it for me. 
This came in the mail as a total surprise from my Aunt Juana. LOVE!

Your favorite CD/DVD.
This is actually several DVDs...but I love them all equally. 
The inside of your closet.
When I was younger, I never imagined I would have a closet this organized. 
The inside of your wallet.
Ignore my fat girl ID. And it's the time of the year for my Kate Spade purse and wallet!

Saturday, December 8, 2012


I am not depressed. Please don't start that rumor, my mother will go ballistic and start googling ways to deal with my depression.

While not a candidate for the pysc ward, it is hard to be unemployed. Filling out apps every day, only to hear nothing, is frustrating. And while I am doing a very good job of keeping myself busy, it is unnerving not to know what my plans are in the future. When I get like this, I always crave the same things. I am a creature of habit, and very predictable, and I'm sure those who know me well already know I am falling into my "Jen is unsure of her future" pattern. Those things include:

1. Beverly Hills 90210. I love this show, I grew up with it. So whenever I am feeling unsure or nervous, I watch it on repeat. When I got laid off the first time in 2008, I became absolutely obsessed with the reruns and had to be physically removed from my tv. I just wish Party of Five was also on Soapnet.

2. Green Day's "Dookie" album. I am not even a Green Day fan, but this album just takes me back to my carefree teenage days, when medical bills and rent weren't issues, and my biggest problem was my boyfriend giving another girl a ride home.

3. Wizard of Oz. Duh. Everyone knows this. Last night when I was trying to fall asleep I actually got a craving for this movie.

4. My nephew. Gavin is the coolest cucumber I know. Hanging out with him is like hanging out with a very short, very honest adult. He is so chill, he just calms me down.

5. My dad's kitchen table. That is the place I feel most at home.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Holiday greetings!

I don't mail out Christmas cards. I don't have a family, so it seems a little weird to just send out a card with pictures of myself on it. But of course, the whole purpose of a blog is to be self-obsessed, so if I was to send out a holiday newsletter...this would be it.

Seasons greetings dudes!

This is my sister, not my lesbian lover. Although I do think people mistake us at times.

2012 was a very big year for me. 

I lost more weight...
I still have more weight to lose, so hopefully I have another picture to add to my collection of shrinking faces. I realize I talk about this a lot - but I don't care. This has been huge and life changing. I will probably always talk about this weight loss journey because it truly has defined my life. 

In June, I had massive surgery to remove a tumor from my neck. That absolutely sucked. Thank God for my wonderful friends and family who nursed me through that, especially to my sisters Nicole and Kate, who stayed with me at the hospital and picked my nose for me (no joke).  And a special thanks to Kate, who snapped this picture. 

I also got ordained as a minister this year and married my sister to her new sucker husband, Eric.

And in September, I graduated with my masters degree, Summa Cum Laude, and was the graduation speaker! Not bad for a girl who barely graduated with a bachelors degree. 

On December 1st, I got laid off...again...Kaplan is closing the Council Bluffs campus, so I'm out of a job. However, since I am four years older than my first two layoffs, I am handling things quite differently. For one, I did not get drunk and puke on myself the night I got the news. I have already applied to several jobs, but they are actually jobs I want - not just anything. I have this weird feeling everything is going to work out for the best. I have been looking for a new job since Kaplan proved to me they are not a place I can be valued or do my best work. So...everything happens for a reason. 

That's all from me. Happy holidays, Merry Christmas and here's to 2013!

Oh, and I hope we don't all die on 12/21/12.