Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Day in the Life of ME!

I keep seeing this on other people's blogs -an entry laying out their entire day. Of course, those people are mostly mom's...but my life is interesting too, damn it.

7:45a - Wake up from the BEST SEX DREAM EVER. Look at the clock, figure out I still have 24 minutes until my alarm goes off. Should I just wake up now? What would I do with my extra 24 minutes? Fall back asleep trying to decide.

8:09a - Get woke up by my alarm, which is Nikki Minaj's "Starships". Jump out of bed. Still on a natural high from the sex dream. Pee, brush teeth, do hair, makeup and get dressed. Jeans day!

8:34a - Leave for work. Run into the neighbors who got evicted because of me. Secretly pray they aren't plotting my murder.

Drive to work until 8:56a - Sing Taylor Swift at an embarrassingly high volume. Honk at two people, flip off one.

9a-12:30p - Work on attendance, course drops, schedules, other random things that people throw at me. Pick my setlist for the day - all Blake Shelton, all day long. Scowl at the three girls in my office who are on my shit list.

12:30p until 1:10p - Lunch with Lindsey and Sheri. Topic of discussion: how crazy our mothers are. Why family members shouldn't be Facebook friends with our ex's. Menu: Smoked turkey from Dad's house last night and a small bag of Cheetohs.

1:30p until 2:15p - Mentor/mentee time with my eighth grader. Today we talked about our feelings, and then I asked her if we could just draw/color for the rest of the time. I was really needing mindless activity. We drew our names with glitter and talked about our weekends.

2:15p - Leave the middle school feeling refreshed. Less than four hours to go.

2:30p until 5p - Gchat with Nick while finishing up stupid busy work and getting things ready for the next 5 days when I am off. Nick tells me no less than four times that I am crazy and/or ridic.  Push some of my work off on Lindsey. Starving. Remember that one of the "skinny girl" tips is to avoid carbs after lunch. Realize I can do that today, and decide to try it.

5p until 6p - Sit in on Tina's presentation on HIV education for her masters capstone project. Remember how my friend was convinced she had AIDS for awhile and made me ask her latest sex partner if he had ever been tested. Curse her for being so crazy.

6p - I'M FREE FOR FIVE WHOLE DAYS!! Flip Kaplan off as I drive to the ATM. Need cash for my Twilight Day with Hannah on Thursday. Head home, flipping off two fellow drivers. Only one honk though. I am getting better.

6:30p - Get home, get the mail, and try to decide if I should run outside (risking death) or go to the gym. Get inside and change and decide I look really cute in a little tee and tight pants, so I head to the gym so I can stay in the least amount of clothes as possible. Realize I am starving and hope I don't pass out while running.

6:45p-7:30p - Warm up, run three miles and cool down. I can't believe I can run for thirty-four minutes straight. I remember when running for 90 seconds made me want to die.

7:30p: Head to Hyvee. Since I am not allowing myself any carbs tonight, I need some meat. That's what she said. I get four hamburger patties from the meat counter and decide to George Forman it up. Walk around Hyvee for awhile, hoping someone will see me and just offer me a job. All I want to do is work at Hyvee. Head home and grill up two patties. Eat in front of the TV finishing up The Voice. Wish I could hump Adam Levine. And Blake Shelton.

8p-10p: I need to do my planks, but I am far too comfortable in my chair. And I'm freezing. What the hell? Watch new shows from tonight and realize my stomach hurts. Is this because I haven't had hardly any carbs today?

Currently: Texting with Katie and realizing my hair smells like asshole. Time to shower. Then I am going to crawl into bed and watch Breaking Dawn: Part One. I still need to numb myself to that vampire baby birth scene so I don't pass out in the theatre. Again.

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