I'm really sorry to all you haters out there who love to see me gain weight (yes, I know you're reading), but I am not telling you this week.
But rest easy. I gained this week.
I have really been struggling lately with myself and this weight loss journey. I know I look better, feel better and am SO much healthier than I was a year ago, even six months ago. I have had to buy all new clothes (literally - every single thing I owned a year ago is gone) and I was actually "healthy" at every doctor's appointment I have had this year (except for that whole tumor thing - which I never would have found if I hadn't lost all that weight in my neck!). Every aspect of my life is different, and I am so much happier.
So why do I let a number on a scale define me and have so much control over my life?
I've been upset since Saturday because the number went up. I knew what I was doing. I ate out twice, and did not make healthy choices at either meal. I didn't even make semi-healthy choices. I ate complete crap. And then all night Saturday I snacked on more not-good choices.
I follow a lot of blogs written by women who are doing this same journey. One of them, Katie at http://www.runsforcookies.com/ is absolutely an inspiration. She has started making food, fitness and misc. goals every week. I am going to copy her idea. I am so focused on Thursdays, because it has always been my weigh in day. So on Thursdays, I will make my three goals for the following week. I think this is brilliant.
Another one, http://thefatgirlblog.com/, is taking a year off from the scale. This makes me nervous, but I am thinking maybe I could just weigh myself once a week rather than every single day (okay fine...at least twice a day). This one may not work. I have become quite dependent on my scale.
My scale dictates how my day will go. If it is not a good number, I think poorly about myself all day. If it is a good number, I just want it to be better. Who needs that constant nagging?
I will continue to weigh myself on Thursdays. I will blog when I hit milestones. I am still aiming high (100 pounds by the end of the year), but I need to chill about how crazy I've been about it. Husker football starts this Saturday - let's get real, every Saturday will be a shit show.
So now...my goals are...
Food: I will only allow Saturday to be my out of control day. Normally I find excuses to indulge a few times during the week. But this week, I will only allow tailgating to be an excuse for treats.
Fitness: I am going to continue to walk/run outside for as long as the weather will let me. So between now and next Thursday, the only day I will not be outside for at least an hour is Saturday.
Misc: I unplugged my cable box the other night, and I couldn't even find the cord in the mess that is behind my tv. Sometime this week, I will figure that disaster out and make it look nicer.