Tuesday, August 21, 2012

In a relationship

Hello, my name is Jen Wilson, and I'm in a relationship.

With my iPhone.

My relationship with my iPhone is pathetic and co-dependent, and I am a stage-five clinger.

I can't live without it. The amount of time I spend with my phone is ridiculous.

I wake up in the morning, roll over and check my phone. I pretend it's to check the time, but let's get real. My eyesight is perfect, I can see the clock across the room. It's to check texts, and Facebook and Twitter.


I am addicted to Twitter. It's how I get my news, find out about the weather and update my followers on my every last move. I mourn when I lose a follower. I live for retweets.

My phone is at my side all day. I got caught taking it to the bathroom with me the other day. I listen to music on it all day (I heart radio app). I answer Facebook messages at warp speed (Facebook app). I can give you any information about anything (google app). I ended up on an actual dirt road outside of Fremont, Nebraska a few weeks ago and managed to find my way out of it because of my phone (mapquest app, combined with a compass app).

When I am not in a 3G network and my network status changes to a little circle, I cringe. I will stand on top of tables to get back into a connection. The few times something has gone wrong and my touch screen doesn't work, I go into full panic attack.

I play children's games on my phone. I have a bakery, and I'm trying to get a restaurant off the ground. When these two apps were discovered on my phone by a friend, I embarrassingly opted not to talk about them. 

My addiction to my phone is captured by photo.

It's always right there near me. My loving and faithful companion.

Until the iPhone 5 comes out, and then that bitch is getting replaced.

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