Thursday, July 19, 2012

The Fat Story

Yesterday my brilliant friend Molly texted this to me: Girl. People would go bananas for your weight loss story.

I've shared a lot of my story. I update Facebook when I hit certain milestones. I tweet about it a lot. I'm much more open on Twitter than Facebook. I also cuss a lot more, and am quite perverted. The Real Jen is Twitter Jen. I have blogged about my diet, and recently started updating on weigh in days. But I've really only told people how it started, so I guess now I will write it down. 

After high school, I put on a lot of weight in college. I loved my college friends, but I never really felt like I could get comfortable at BV. I always wanted to be closer to home. I was only 2.5 hours away, but my heart was still in the Omaha/Glenwood/Council Bluffs area, and I couldn't quite settle down at school. I never lost that weight, and just kept adding it on after that. I'd go up and down, but personal knockouts would send me back to overeating and being lazy. I was never happy with my body, but I honestly just thought that was it for me. I was a fat girl. That's what I was supposed to weigh. Clothes kept getting tighter, and I kept having to order specially-made huge bras from special websites. I used my boobs as an excuse not to exercise (they really did ache and hurt when I tried to do stuff, but get real) and I ate whatever I wanted, all the time. 

Eating...I was such a horrible eater. I still am, to be honest. I don't like fruits or vegetables. I am so picky. I am truly a meat and potatoes girl, and I cannot change. Seriously. I have tried. 

The weird thing is, I still really loved myself, even at my biggest. I still thought I was pretty, and I still could basically get whatever guy I wanted. I know that sounds horrible and egotistical. But when I "set" out to get a guy, I got him. So it's easy to understand why I didn't think my weight was a big deal. It wasn't really affecting my life, except for that whole "killing me slowly because I am so unhealthy I may just drop dead" thing. I just accepted that I would never be in public in a bathing suit, and I would always be the fat one in my group of friends. 

In June 2011, two things happened that made me realize enough was enough. 

One afternoon, I was playing with my nephew in his playhouse. He looked right at me and said "Aunt Jen, you have a big belly." Thanks, Gav. I know I have a big belly. But then he went on to say "So does my dad." OUCH. Gavin's dad is huge. And he saw us in the same light. SICK.

The other thing was my annual appointment at my girl doc. I go every year in June, and every year I step on that scale and want to cry. I always think to myself "at this time next year, I'm gonna be like 100 pounds lighter...I'm going to really start dieting today." And then I run through McDonalds on my way into work.

Not this year. I was so upset. That scale was a number I couldn't even believe. I knew the jig was up, the time had come, enough was enough. Let's get this show on the road.

I came back to work (no McDonalds) and sat at my computer. Where do I start? I knew I needed a program, I couldn't do this on my own. I looked at Jenny, and Nutrisystem. They were both out. To do those, you have to buy their food, and that would never work for me. I needed to find a system that doesn't set me up to fail from the get go. Weight Watchers seemed better, because I can eat my own food but I just needed to stay within my points. I signed up right then for three months. 

I told Nick I had done it, because this would affect him, too. He was my lunch partner five days a week. He was very supportive, because in his head this was a Jen phase I would be over in a week. 

Little did he know, 13 months later, I'm still committed. And he has joined and is within pounds of a healthy weight for his height (He has dropped almost 40 pounds. He won't brag about it, so I will). And his wife joined. And my two sisters, and my stepmom, and countless friends. We could easily have our own WW support group. 

I know people think they can't do it. But seriously, if I can do it, ANYONE can.

Within the first six months I dropped 58 pounds. Then the holidays came, and I didn't lose anything between Thanksgiving and New Years. I really wasn't expecting to, but it still came as a shock since I had been down every single week. I knew something had to change, and since I hadn't really been serious about working out, that was it. I joined a gym and signed up for one year with a personal trainer. I've dropped another 27 pounds since then, but it has really been a battle. I go up and down, but I'm getting there.

I don't know what my final goal is yet. I feel good and I know I look better. I am so much healthier, and in much better shape. But I know I still have a ways to go before I am "healthy" by industry standards. This is the lightest I have been since high school, so it's all very new to me. I set my next goal to hit 90 pounds, and then I will probably aim for 100. After that, who knows?

The fat girl is still inside me, but I shut her up with new small outfits. 

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