Thursday, July 12, 2012

Seriously? Another gain...

It's weigh in day. And I'm up. Again.

I'm not up a lot, so quit smiling, haters. Less than a pound. But I am so frustrated I want to rip my luscious hair out.

I am not sure what's going on. I've been eating really much better than I normally do. I did not have a cheat day at all this week - I stayed within my points every single day. I also worked out a lot, and have even added...wait for it...fruit to my diet. I am intimidated by fruit, mostly because I don't know how to cut it. But I bit the bullet and did it. It's okay.

I feel like my body is still changing, despite the shitty numbers on the scale. My pants all feel loose again (which is awesome, but kind of annoying) and my stomach is getting flatter. I can tell cause my boobs finally look like boobs again, rather than the chest of a 8 year old boy. Maybe things are adjusting, and the scale has nothing good to show. Who knows.

All of this is leading me to question my whole diet life. While complaining about the lack of losing, three separate, non related people have said to me "Well, aren't you done losing weight anyway?" My step mom told me I'm good now, to stop. Nick asked me if I stopped right now, would I be satisfied, cause I should be. Katie told me I could stop, and then asked if I was going to become anorexic. I think that's a little dramatic, but that's my Katie.

I don't feel like I should be done. I must not see the Jen that they see. I still see my flabby stomach, my double chin, my disgusting armpits. When I look at pictures, though, I see the Jen that everyone else sees, and I'm really happy with myself. So maybe I act like a high schooler and take pictures of myself all the time? I don't know.

Or maybe I just set myself up to fail by setting my goal at 100 pounds. That is a freaking lot of weight. I know I can hit it, but maybe I was being too aggressive. So I moved my goal down to 90 pounds. When I hit 90, I will decide if I am going to go into maintenance or keep losing. Right now, I am pretty much the same size I was when I was a senior in high school. My junior year is when I was in the best shape I've ever been in, and I'm one size away from that. It's mindblowing, and I need to remember how far I have come, not that the scale was up .8 of a pound this morning.

So the new numbers, with the new goal, are:
This week: +.8
Total: 83.8
6.2 pounds to go

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