Thursday, June 28, 2012

Weigh in day - June 28th

Here are today's stats:
1.4 pounds down
85.8 pounds down total
14.2 pounds til goal

I switched things up a lot this week. I stayed very close to my 31 allotted points every day, only using a few weekly points and no activity points (I never use those, anyway). I worked out six out of the seven days, and switched up my workouts. Rather than just running every day, I got back on that dreaded elliptical, which I thought I hated but it was okay. I used to love it, but when I started running that was all I wanted to do. 

Since I've learned throughout this journey that every part of my life affects my diet, I will need to watch myself this week.  I am hating school something fierce right now - I just want to be done, and finding the motivation to do homework is killing me. I am also not really happy at work. I normally don't let things get to me that much, so this is super annoying.  Also, I feel like someone I care about is just telling me what I want to hear...which is never good when they don't act on what they say.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Time to get (really) serious

In the beginning, this blog was just going to be a list of awesome things. I really love making lists. I make them all the time, about everything in my life. You'd be amazed at some of the lists I have...

Anyway, the other day when I wrote all about my surgery and what it did to my diet, I realized how much I miss writing. I wrote my face off all through middle school and high school. I kept a journal for many years...from the time I was probably 12 until I was like 23. Then I started doing things that didn't need to be documented, so I quit. And I'm still doing things that don't need to be documented, so I'm not going to start again.

However, I am going to start using this blog as more than just a list. I have recently discovered two other bloggers who blog about their weight loss. I'm not going to write about it as much as they do, mostly because I diet do differently than other people that my advice and "wisdom" would be of no use to anyone. But I am going to start blogging on my weigh in day (Thursday) with an update of how I did and any notes I may have on it.

You see, in the beginning the weight came off pretty easily. In December 2011 I hit 58 pounds lost, and hit a plateau. That's when I joined the gym and added in five workouts a week. I've hit other plateaus, but for the most part I've been able to push through them. As of now, June 2012, I am about 84 pounds down. I don't know if I've hit an actual wall, but I think I need to shake it up. I love running, but I think my body has gotten too used to it. I've read you have to shock your body now and then, so I'm gonna try to do that this week. I am only getting 30 points a day now, so I'm going to work really hard on staying within my points and not using my weekly points. I know when my "problem times" are, so I'm going to work on fixing those. Also, I think holding myself accountable and knowing I have to report my weekly weight loss into this blog (all five of you who read it) will help me work harder so I have better things to report.

So that's that. On Thursday I will post my progress towards my ultimate goal of 100 pounds. Yikes.

June 25 list

463. Three day weekend, even though Monday was only taken off for doctors appointments.
464. GOOD doctors appointments. My tumor's former residence is looking good, my patched artery is still all patched up, and that doctor said he doesn't need to see me anymore. Now if only the other two would tell me the same.
465. Going to see the play Hairspray with Hannah on Friday. I had never seen the movie, and I freaking loved the play! I'm a bit of a dork I'm afraid.
466. Driving to Ames to see my nuggets and my sister on Saturday with my sister.
467. I love when my nieces love me. I mean, they love me all the time. But sometimes they really love me.

468. My sister Kate being tough and helping me carry in the two tubs, three garbage bags and box full of clothes that my sister Amanda gave me. Love love LOVE them both!!
469. Sleeping on the weekends. There is nothing better.
470. Sunday lunch with Nicole, Kate, Mom and Gram. Then shopping all afternoon and an ice cream treat later.
471. Rather than just assuming I can't eat ice cream, checking the points and realizing there actually is stuff at Dairy Queen I can eat.
472. Celebrating one year on Weight Watchers. What a year it's been! I am so proud of what I've accomplished. And what all my fellow Weight Watchers have accomplished!
473. Randomly spending Sunday afternoon with Nick, Hannah, Coop and Chan.
474. Three crazy nights of dreams.
475. Making plans.
476. Sometimes just talking is enough...
477. Yep, I'm being mysterious with that one.
478. Tara as a vampire.
479. My dad checking in on me.
480. Finally, after 1.5 years of living in Omaha, I found a nail place!
481. The countdown is ON! 26 days until I am five rows away from my love Bret Michaels!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Just a blog entry...not awesome.

I started this on my Weight Watchers blog, but ran out of characters. It was supposed to be about my weight loss over the last few weeks, but I quickly got off topic. This is the first time I've actually really thought about my surgery and my feelings, so bear with me. Or quit reading now. Either is fine. 

Alright, I'm at 84 pounds. I am 16 away from my ultimate goal of 100 pounds. Let's do this.

It's been a frustrating few weeks. I found out in early May that I had a caratid body tumor in my neck. Not cancer, and not really hurting me, but it was crowding arteries and needed to come out. Surgery was scheduled for May 23, and I had to go into the hospital May 22nd for an angiogram. This was a huge blow to me. First of all, I am literally terrified of the hospital. Terrified. TERRIFIED. I have never had to spend the night, and I have actually only been in the hospital twice - once to be born, and once because of a tubal pregnancy. The tubal pregnancy surgery was emergency (as in my stomach was filling up with blood and I almost died), so there was really no time to panic. I was in the ER, they said I needed surgery, I said no, they said you'll die and I said well okay then. There was plenty of time to panic about this surgery - almost three weeks of tears, no sleep and thinking of nothing but going into the hospital. I developed fears I never knew I had. I mean, they were cutting into MY NECK. That's kind of an important body part. Even though I know people have it much worse and I should be thankful it's not cancer, it's still MY NECK they were cutting into. I was so scared. Plus I had spent $90 on Nickelback tickets (really to see the opener Seether...I FUCKING LOVE SEETHER), and of course it was on May 22nd. It was the first time I cried over missing a concert - although I may have been over emotional about this whole damn thing. 

Needless to say, my entire diet has severely been affected by this. When I first found out about this, I ran my ass off - literally. I was so scared of gaining weight during my surgery stay and my recovery that I was trying to get as light as possible, so if I did gain it wouldn't matter as much. Then I got really sick. Like bad cold, cough, snotty nose, the works. I couldn't work out the entire week before my surgery. I was so frustrated, but I needed to get better so they wouldn't put off my hospital stay. At this point, I needed it over with. 

In this hospital, I couldn't eat the first two days - the angiogram and the surgery day. My diet was literally this: hospital swabs of water to wet my tongue. That's it. I couldn't even take drinks of water, although I tried to suck as much as I could off those swabs. Then after that stupid surgery, I literally couldn't swallow. I felt like everything was getting stuck in my throat. It was the worst experience so far in my life. I wanted to cry, scream and throw a temper tantrum. I hurt all the time, but I felt like the pain pills were getting lodged in my throat. It was so awful. So needless to say, for four days I ate zero Weight Watchers points. 

I got to go home after five solid days in the hospital. I went to my dad's house and cried a lot. Then, after being home for three days, I went to visit my best friend's mom's house (let's get real...I kinda wish she was my mom, too) and had a nice little visit, and then promptly passed out on her back porch. Really?! I knew it was because I had eaten nothing, drank nothing, I felt like crap and I got really hot. However, when you get your neck cut open then pass out, people tend to freak, so back to UNMC I went. I just went to the ER, and I was expecting them to check me over and send me home. But nope. They decided something had to be wrong with my heart, or my brain, and they were determined to find something. They admitted me, so back up to a room I went. Four tests later, I was released. This was after I am pretty sure I got voted the most difficult patient of all time. I was actually yelling at people, and being so rude I can't believe it was really me. I can't explain the mindset I was in...I did not care what anyone thought, or how mean I was being. I was uncomfortable, frustrated and I hated everyone. And I let them know it. 

I got back to Dad's and I had had enough. I started eating my face off, and drinking water like no one's business. I was determined to get better and get back to my own bed and shower. I knew I needed to get back into my routine, or I was going to go bananas. My parent's were not pumped for me to leave, but I think they knew I needed to get rolling again. When they let me go home, I weighed myself immediately. I was down a lot. I shouldn't have tracked it, cause I've gone up quite a bit (well like three pounds, but it feels like a lot). 

I'm back on a routine - back to running (which I was scared of, but it's been okay). I haven't started lifting yet, cause in my head I will lift and rip my scar open. I know it can't happen, but my head is pretty screwed up right now. 

This whole process has really shown me the members of my family who really care, and a few that really don't. Well, two who really don't. My friends have been wonderful, but this has shown me a few true colors there as well. I'm easing my way back into my normal life, and for the most part everything has been okay. I still can't smile (the right side of my mouth just won't work), but that's okay. It'll fix itself soon. 

At any rate...June 23rd is my one year anniversary on Weight Watchers. I am excited to hit that mark, and I am hoping these next 16 pounds come off at a decent rate. I will re-evaluate at that point to decide if I'm going to go into maintenance or try to lose a few more. I don't want to end up like a bobblehead!

Sunday, June 17, 2012

June 17 again

453. College World Series with the girls on a Friday afternoon.
454. Belated birthday pizza with Missy. I am addicted to the buffalo chicken pizza at Varsity. It's all I can think about.
455. Pedicures and hot pink nail polish.
456. Rock of Ages - great time! Danced in my seat the whole time.
457. Nick and Hannah letting me crash their movie date.
458. Father's Day with my awesome dad.
459. My grandpa constantlygiving me ridiculous things to tweet because he is the most ridiculous person alive.
460. Sex dreams. Come on, you know you love them too.
461. True Blood. This will make the list every Sunday.
462. The new Dallas. Ummm, it's amazing. And he is hot.

June 17, 2012 cont.

452. Spending Fathers Day with my wonderful dad.

June 17, 2012

451. Garden gnomes and a very happy nephew.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

June 14, 2012

433. Discovering new music and getting OBSESSED - Eric Church! I finally get what Missy has been talking about all these years.
434. CWS time!
435. Circle of trust.
436. Knowing it (hopefully) will never be this bad again.
437. Another 4.0! Man, I'm smart.
438. Getting ordained on the internet.
439. Getting back into running, and realizing I didn't lose all my momentum during my little break.
440. "I walked into your room and you were a completely different person. I have never seen someone change that much. You are cool and fun, and that person in the room was...not." - my doctor on her experience with me in the hospital. Apparently I am a difficult patient. 
441. Getting back into the work routine and only wanting to slit my wrist a few times.
442. Discovering new low point recipes.
443. I can't drink soda. I can't decide if this is good or bad, so I'm putting it on here.
444. Relay for Life. I love this event, and I'm so glad I was able to get involved. Hopefully I can continue to be involved, maybe in an even bigger role. 
445. Wearing tight clothes.
446. My detox wrap from Brenda - made last night very relaxing!
447. Doing my pending graduate paperwork - September 4th!
448. So much to celebrate - tumor being gone, graduating soon, one year on Weight Watchers, etc...
449. Good things happening to good people.
450. My scar - after all the crap has been scraped off, this is what I'm left with. It will heal more, but this is a relief!

Monday, June 4, 2012

June 4, 2012

421. Ruby red slipper socks from Missy.
422. The show Girls on HBO. Wow. So good.
423. A Sunday movie with Missy and Katie. Snow White and the Huntsman is so good!
424. MTV Movie Awards - I miss awards season!
425. Cleaning out my closet and getting rid of so many clothes. Again.
426. Getting rid of my bridesmaids dresses - hopefully a girl can wear them for a special ocassion, they are so pretty.
427. Being done with this finance class, which has scared me since I started my program. It may be my first B, but it's over!
428. Being done with two more classes. Only three more to go and I'll have my masters degree!
429. Sunday morning visit with Cooper and Channy.
430. Less than a week until True Blood is back!

431. Cannot WAIT until this movie.

432. Ummm....

Sunday, June 3, 2012

June 3 - post surgery edition

411. My family. They were there for me, unconditionally, throughout this whole thing. Even when I was crying and throwing a fit in the hospital. Nicole blew my nose for me and dealt with all the nurses and medical stuff that she knew I couldn't face. She lied to me when she needed to (like when I had to have a tube put in my neck) because she knows me well enough to know I can't handle that kind of stuff. Kate stayed with me several nights, including the night I had to go back to the hospital after a freak incident. Bill, Peg and Dad all spent several hours just sitting with me. I have such a supportive family, and I can't believe how lucky I am.
412. Jan, who thought she was just having a nice little visit with me, and then I ended up passing out on her back porch. I am a disaster at times.
413. Big Bang Theory - kept me entertained throughout this whole process.
414. Finally getting to sleep in my own bed after ten days. I was so overwhelmed when I got home that I just cried.
415. My Aunt being back in town.
416. All the cards, flowers and get well soon wishes I got.

417. Spending time with Gavin - he woke me up every morning with a hug, asked me how I slept and asked if that thing on my neck is any better.
418. Peg and Dad making me so much food, especially made Jen style.
419. My aunt sending cookies from Portland.

420. My wonderful friends who checked in with me all the time.