Wednesday, December 5, 2018

Winter funk

I have been in a bit of a winter funk lately.

I fucking hate cold weather and I fucking hate snow.

But I need to get out of this funk, and today is the day. I have so many awesome people in my life. I have people who thoroughly entertain the hell outta me, no matter what the weather is doing outside.

Part of this funk has been a workout funk but that ends TODAY! I am going to kickboxing tonight and if I publish it here I have to do it.

So I am going to kickboxing tonight.

Tuesday, December 4, 2018


So last week I got pulled over. I was speeding. I was guilty.

But I was very nice to the cop, and he noted that on my ticket, so I felt pretty okay about the whole thing. He said I had a "good tone". I think he was hitting on me.

Anyway, so I decided (Nick told me to) to take the STOP class to dismiss the ticket. I took it online and got 100% on the test. Here is what I learned:

1. I am a VERY distracted driver.
2. Omaha drivers are literally the worst.
3. Giving road head is extremely dangerous.
4. Don't run over your kid.
5. I need to get so much stuff fixed on my car (tires, windshield, windshield wipers, etc).

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

2019 goals

I have decided to get a jump start on my 2019 goals. Starting right now. November 28th.

1. I want to finish my Baby-Sitters Club blog as quickly as possibly.
I am re-reading through the Baby-Sitters Club series as an adult and doing a quick little write up on them. I have put that on hold as the last few weeks (months) have been really busy. But I want to start it up again and get it done. 

2. WHEN THE WEATHER GETS NICE I want to start running again.
I will not do this when it's cold out. FUCK THAT. But this spring I want to get myself back to where I can run 5-6 miles easily. 

3. I want to read more in general.
I need to put my phone/ipad down in the evenings and start reading again. 

I was going to make these New Years Resolutions, but why wait?

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Figuring my life out

So I'm having some issues. Stomach issues. My stomach hurts all the time. I have finally realized this is not normal, so I immediately came up with some reasons for this constant stomachache:

Stomach cancer
Irritable Bowel Syndrome
A newly formed gluten allergy
A baby is forming in my uterus
Crohn's Disease
 A newly formed lactose intolerance  

Yes, I know I should just go to a doctor, but I don't even know what to say to a doctor:

"Hi, my stomach hurts sometimes but not others. I generally eat whatever I want so it could totally be my diet. I also either poop constantly all day long or I don't poop for three days, there is no in between. Help?"

I love typing in italics. Also, when your stomach hurts and you don't know why, don't google "why does my stomach hurt all the time?" because you will immediately be handed a death sentence. Thank God I have a living will. 

Anyway. So basically I am going to really, really get to know my body and myself. I'm planning on keeping careful track of what I eat over the next few days and see how that affects my belly. I'm sure you are all very interested, so I will let you know what I figure out. 

Thursday, November 8, 2018

Dancing on the edge of the Hollywood sign

Okay so we didn't make it all the way to the edge of the Hollywood sign, but we tried. But let me start at the beginning. 

A few weeks ago, Missy, Ryan, Natalie and I headed to California for our long-awaited vacay. Here is what we did:

Day 1 - Friday: We flew in and got there at about 1pm, but then getting our rental car and actually getting to our AirBnB took awhile. We went to In-and-Out for dinner and sat outside because it was AMAZINGGGGGG weather. After that we went to the grocery store and Ryan shopped like he as a 12 year old whose parents left him alone for the weekend. We headed home after that to hang out by our pool - which was too cold to get into - and bond. 

Day 2 - Saturday: We headed to the Ronald Reagan Museum and Library. This was one of my favorite parts of the trip. I love presidential history, and if you do too this place is a must visit. 

After that we went to a bar to watch the Iowa game (stupid), and then we went to find a beach so I could put my feet in the ocean. Ocean fronts are my absolutely most favorite places in the entire world. I could spend hours there. 

Day 3 - Sunday: We separated in the morning - Missy and I went hiking in the Hollywood Hills and Natalie and Ryan went to visit some Hollywood cemeteries. When we got done hiking, Missy and I walked around the Griffith Observatory and then the other two picked us up and we went to brunch. After that, we went into Hollywood and spend some time on the Walk of Fame and the Chinese Theater. From there, we decided to do one of those cheesy Hollywood bus tours, which was awesome - we drove by where several celebrities live - Katy Perry, Gwen and Blake, TAYLOR SWIFT - we saw where Michael Jackson died - it was pretty fun!

After that, we went home and those three went to the Phil Collins concert, and I stayed home and relaxed. 

Day 4 - Monday: DISNEY day! We got up early and got to Disneyland pretty close to opening time. The park was pretty empty in the morning, so we were able to get right into rides for the first four hours or so. It got busy in the early afternoon, as they had a Halloween party that night that was sold out.  The park closed at 6pm for the party, so between like 4p-6p was pretty crazy. 

Day 5 - Tuesday: ELLEN! I will write up a whole entry on Ellen, because when I found out we got tickets I looked all over the internet trying to find information on what being an audience member entailed, and I couldn't find anything. So I will write it. But here is what we looked like. We were on the Halloween episode, so we were in costume. 

Day 6 - Wednesday: We flew out this day, but we had some time to kill in the morning so we did a Paramount Studios tour. This was very cool, and the cast of This Is Us was there filming! We got to see a few cast members. I love anything to do with old Hollywood, so this tour was very cool. 

Vacation is fun, but there is no place like Homaha. I was very happy to touch ground in Nebraska that evening! I think I am just now finally caught up on sleep and feeling like a normal person. 

Monday, November 5, 2018

I'm back!

Hi everyone! I'm back!

I know I said originally I was taking the rest of the year off, but I just got notice that my domain was due to expire and I needed to pay for it for this next year - and I figured if I'm in here paying for another year of blogging, I might as well blog, right?!

I've enjoyed my break, but I feel like it's time to start writing again.

Here are some things that you missed:

Missy and I went to Minneapolis over Labor Day weekend. We saw Taylor Swift (!!!!!!!!) and visited Paisley Park.

Missy and I also continued our races, and we are 10 for 10. Our next one is scheduled for next weekend in Council Bluffs, and we will end the year with our December run in Northwest Omaha. Do we continue these runs in 2019? I think we will. Unless any of you have any great ideas for a year long physical activity challenge?

I went to BVU for Homecoming weekend with the Boone's.

Chandler is my best friend.

I just got back from vacation in California, but that will get its own post.

Wednesday, October 17, 2018


I always say that addiction runs in my family. I'm not sure if that is something that can be passed along between generations, and I'm not going to do the research, but I do know that one side of my family is chock full of addicts.

Many of my male relatives are alcoholics. Many have dabbled in drugs. My mother has tried to quit smoking so. many. times. and just can't. And last week, my cousin died after overdosing from meth.

JL was five years younger than me, and she lived in my grandparent's backyard. We lived in their front yard, basically, so we grew up together. Every school day my sisters and I would walk to her house and pick her up to go to the bus stop together. My aunt would make her eat breakfast before we could leave, so we spent a lot of time waiting at the door for JL to complain about it and then eventually choke down her poptart or bacon slice.

At that point, JL copied everything I did. Any team I liked, any celebrity I had a crush on. I was always annoyed by it. I remember when I got my middle school yearbook, I opened it up a few days into summer and saw that Jamie had gotten ahold of it and signed it. "Never change! Have a good summer! Love Jamie", it said, among all the autographs and messages from my classmates. Back then it annoyed me, but now it's kind of hilarious.

Everything kind of changed - her mom remarried, my parents both remarried, her mom and stepdad had two more kids. Both our families moved out of grandpa's yard. We weren't as close, and I started hearing things about her. She had hooked up with some guys from my class. She was smoking pot. She was drinking. At some point, she went to Omaha to live with her dad. I don't know what happened after that, but around that time is when her drug of choice changed to meth.

Everything has been a mess since then. She's had three kids - she was 22 when she had her first. When she delivered, she was high on meth. She disconnected herself at the hospital and left the baby. My aunt was able to rescue him and adopt him. He's 11 now and so smart and funny. And so, so confused about watching his birth mother die while his adopted mother (grandmother) sobbed and mourned. Her second child, a girl, lives with her dad. She is also so smart and so funny. And absolutely beautiful. Her third child lives in Texas with his dad. I've never met him, and I don't think I ever will.

Four years ago she was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. Everyone talked about how unlucky she was, and I wanted to shake them. This is because of drug abuse! She didn't just draw the short stick and get a bum heart. But I guess not dealing with that helped everyone accept the fact that JL's heart was failing her and she needed to remain sober if she wanted to live.

She didn't remain sober.

And my aunt had to cremate her oldest daughter.

I am struggling hard with my emotions. I am so, so angry about the choices she made and what it did to my family. I feel guilty that I should have done more. I had a lot of interactions with her as an adult. Maybe one of those times I could have changed the outcome of her life if I had tried a little harder, or put in a little more time.

Yet, every time I see a Facebook post about how she was taken too soon I get so mad. She was not taken. She gave in to her addiction.

My mom told me I have to forgive her. I am working on that.